TMI Tuesday Substitution

I found this random list of questions and am going to answer them because this week's TMI is all questions that I either can't or don't want to answer. Nothing against them, but it's not my week.

1. What is more difficult for you; looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

Wow, those are both tough. I'm not great at telling people how I feel, and I feel like everyone else probably feels the same way, even though I know that's not true. But I guess hearing someone else telling me how they feel while looking into their eyes would be slightly easier. Particularly if they don't seem to mind.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.

The past week had a few moments. One day in particular. It wasn't pleasant. But technically, this "question" didn't say anything about telling you, just that I should think about it. What kind of sadistic question is that, anyway?

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

Superman? I don't like planes. I guess I'd call my parents and tell them I love them. Boring answer, but true. It'd be hard just saying that to them, and not to other people I love, but I knew them first so they get the call. Sorry everyone else.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I don't know. Possibly not, not because I don't want to burden people, but because I don't want to deal with the shit that comes of people knowing you're going to die. Or I might parlay it into pity. I'm not a saint, never claimed to be.

b) Possibly kill myself and get it over with if it looked like I was going to die painfully. Grim, but possible. Or I might try to do some of the things I've always wanted to do. Or I might be responsible and try to get my affairs in order. Or I might spend all of it in a haze of depression. I mean, hell, I know I'm going to die soon enough right now, and it doesn't exactly give me motivation.

c) Terrified. At least, I think I would be.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.

I don't think you can really have one without the other. You can have a type of love without trust, but that's not the kind of love I'd like. And trust implies a certain species of love, not romantic but fellow-human-love. Yes, I'm weaseling out of the question. But I really can't think of a way I'd like to have love without trust, and I like love a lot.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I don't like to work places like that. But I work in the theatre, and that means that the curtain rises when it does and if I'm not there, bad things can happen. Which is why I try to be early, because I'd have to try to save the dog. I think I could dive into the canal, pull the dog out, and be on my way in a few minutes, and if a few minutes is going to make a difference, then either I deserved to get fired because I was late before with bad excuses, or it's a terrible job and I'm better off without it. This is not saintliness, I'd like to stress. I'd save the dog, but I'd do it quickly and try to make it to work at a run, wet clothes and all.

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

I'd like to go to Egypt when things have calmed down. Or Russia. I'm not much of a traveler; I'd really like to go some of these places as part of something which made me feel less tourist-y. Like if I got a job in Russia, or joined an archaeological excavation in Egypt. I'm bad at being a tourist.

8. Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you?

Yes. Not saintly; brutal calculus. That last hour of their lives, they could make better use of since they'd know it was their last hour.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Maybe not. A friend with benefits, sure. I put out like crazy in the benefits department. But I sometimes wonder how good a friend I really am.

10. Does love = sex?

I'm not sure what this question is asking, really. If it means, "Does having sex presuppose love between the partners?" then absolutely not. I think sex is a great expression of love, sex without love tends not to be as good as equally-good sex but with love, and of course sex doesn't create love.

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do?

ANSWER Be sad. You want a detailed analysis, you're out of luck. I'm not great with death.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?

I try not to lie, which means that most of what I do is simply not say things. And I do that a lot. I'm good at certain types of communication, not so good at others. Before Sveta, I hadn't told anyone (besides people I'd already told) I loved them and meant it for a long time. Modern society seems hell-bent on making sure we're tactful, and that's no bad thing. But it does cripple our ability to tell people things that probably need to be told. It's figuring out when that's true and making it happen that are the problem.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?

It's hard to tell someone you don't feel that way, but I find it easier than telling someone I love them, mostly because I don't give out "I love you" lightly. See above.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?

Orgasms. Followed closely by chocolate and red meat. The Trifecta of Doom, I call it. I've tried to give up all three in the past, and while I've quit things which were supposed to be hard in the past, I can't get over the big three.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I tell my family that all the time. But pretty much only them. I'm not a big "I love you" person. Perhaps I should be.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be?

I have the opposite problem: I have too damn many regrets. Because this has been too serious, I'd like to go back and make my young self stick to music lessons so I could be a rock star now.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?

Superman? No, seriously, I'd probably call one or the other of my parents if it seemed like a call-someone situation.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

Absolutely, because thanks to advances in modern medicine, one no longer has to be shy about giving CPR because it no longer has to involve mouth-to-mouth. You no longer have any excuse. Okay, so that really only applies to cardiac arrest, but how often do you see a homeless person drowning? I would probably go "Ick ick ick!" all the way through giving mouth to mouth to someone disgusting (although just who said that homeless people should be the gold standard of disgusting? In the current economic climate, pretty much anyone could be homeless). I never liked having to move the tongue out of the way for drowning victims. What can I say? I'm weird.

19. Are you old fashioned?

In some ways, very. In others, probably not.

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or to have never loved before?

Superman? Damn it, rule of threes, I get a pass on that one. I guess I'd take true love, if the heartbreak is losing my true love tragically. If it's heartbreak because I love someone and they don't love me or leave me for someone else or something, that sounds pretty shitty.

21. If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?

I'm not going to make the Steve Martin joke again. In all seriousness, with full knowledge that wishes don't turn out how you'd like, I'd wish to die happy. Whether I died instantly or way down the line, I'd like to die truly happy.