Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. It took me some time to come to grips with my situation. I'm afraid the rest of Sveta's visit will have to be put on hold, possibly indefinitely. It was fun, toys were used, lots of orgasms, yadda yadda yadda.
On Monday, I finally went to Kate's house for dinner. And I'm still getting used to what happened, so you'll have to forgive me if it's a bit funky. I'll try to start from the beginning, but bear with me.
Anyway, she said her husband would be there but the boys would not, which was fine because that seemed like it would make the evening go more smoothly. It didn't start out too smoothly. I went over in the late afternoon, and Kate was just all over me, even with her husband there. I mean, she wasn't too obvious about it, but I could tell she was flirting with me, and I'm sure her husband could tell too. His name isn't Roger, but I'll use that because his name isn't exciting enough to warrant some exciting pseudonym.
He's older than her by a few years at least, and he looks normal for his age rather than looking young, like she does. So really, they look like they're probably more than a decade apart in age, when I think he just looks older and she looks younger. I know they got married when she was pretty young, and she is definitely younger than him. Anyway, he was polite, but kind of stand-offish, which could probably be explained by the fact that his wife was flirting with me and seemingly didn't care that he knew it. Of course, later on... I'm getting ahead of myself. He's not as much of a free spirit type as she is, but I know that they both smoke up together, because they offered, but I said I wanted to wait on that.
He must have had the day off, or he got home early, because they were both sort of lounging around when I got there. We had drinks and chatted, very uncomfortably on my end because I just didn't know what was up. I had told Kate that I wanted to meet her husband, but now that I had, I wasn't sure where to go. Should I tell him everything, which would possibly help my guilt but probably do more harm than good? Was I supposed to decide that he was a jerk, and that giving his wife some lovin' wasn't wrong? I don't know why I wanted to meet him, truth be told. It didn't make me feel any better.
Eventually we sat down to dinner, which was pretty good, just your standard fare but well-cooked. Eating gave me an excuse to not talk and to think, and Roger and Kate filled in the conversation. I started to get a little more relaxed, because sitting at the table it was hard for Kate to be all over me, but then she started playing footsie with me under the table and I got all anxious again. Anxious in both respects, because she was wearing this adorable skirt-blouse combo which was showing off her hot body tremendously, and I sort of wished her husband wasn't there because then I could at least have indulged one aspect of my anxiousness. And the other aspect would have been much less if he hadn't been there. I kept shooting her warning looks, and she kept grinning as if she didn't care.
I was set to call it a day and get the hell out before anything went wrong, maybe go home and try to work off my nerves on my own, but they insisted I stay for desert and coffee and more drinks. While I wasn't drunk at all, they were certainly getting looser.
And then Roger said to Kate, "Honey, you're driving her up the wall with your flirting. It's really not fair. To me either." And I knew he knew what was up. And I expected something awful to happen, but instead, she laughed and came over to him and kissed him.
"I'd feel much better if we just told her," she said. "I mean, it's been going on for long enough, and I think Lexi's feeling a little guilty."
"What's been going on?" I asked, mortified. Because I really am quite shy and awkward in social situations, and I was feeling like I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Because I could see it now; I was going to be outed, and Roger was going to forbid me to ever see his wife again, or something equally bad.
But instead, he just nodded, and Kate said, "Now please, don't get mad. But.. well..." And then, because I can't remember exactly what she said, I'll just fill in the blanks.
It seems that my suspicions were true, and there was something going on. Several somethings, in fact. For one thing, Kate had been acting bizarre when we made love because she knew that there was a camera filming us. Roger likes to watch, and they didn't think I would let him just watch from the room, plus I wasn't available at a time when he could, and they just wanted to be able to keep them and watch them over and over again. So they set up to film our rendezvous.
So Roger has known this whole time. They weren't going to tell me, but Kate felt bad, and I seemed like I wasn't going to come back, so now they were hoping that I would accept that they had a marriage that would allow this kind of fooling around and just keep making both of them happy.
I don't know how I feel about that. I certainly feel a little betrayed. It's not that I mind being filmed, or having people watch. It's that they were using me like this. I mean, if they'd just come out and asked me, chances are almost 100% that I would have gone along with it. I mean, Kate is a knock-out, and I loved fucking her. But they were using me. I don't feel totally okay with it.
On the other hand, I think they were expecting me to call the police or something, whereas I just said, "Oh," and took a healthy pull on my drink. They told me that they'd done things like this before, but always with men, and the men were one-time deals who came over, fucked Kate with the camera rolling, and then were gone. So Kate had never had any other women besides me. I was a little flattered by that. They said that they thought I would be more understanding.
I told them that I did, a little, but I also felt a little betrayed. And they said that it was perfectly natural, and they felt terrible about keeping it from me, and would I like to join them in the bedroom? It was just like that, with no real switch from, "sorry," to, "Hey, wanna fuck?"
And a part of me really wanted to. But a bigger part of me wasn't ready for that kind of thing right then. I don't know, maybe it's just my life right now, or maybe I'm feeling different about sex, or maybe it was just the abruptness, but I said that I didn't know if I could.
They tried to talk me into it. Roger said I had a beautiful body and he really was looking forward to seeing it in person. And they both came over and were sort of touching me, and it just got a little too much for me, and I stood up and said that no, I had to go. And they let me leave. I think they were both kicking themselves, or being disappointed that I hadn't turned out like they expected.
Again, it wasn't so much that I didn't want them, both of them. It was just too weird right then. So I left. Later that evening I was kicking myself, because I was all alone and horny as hell, and most of the betrayal had worn off and now I was wishing I was in bed with someone, anyone. It was the betrayal too, a different aspect of it. Dad never treats me like that. He's honest. So is Mike, and so are Mari and Sheri. James... the hell with him. Sveta I haven't known long enough, but if anything I'm using her as much as she's using me. I mean, I know I'm something of a surrogate for James to her, but I think she's starting to enjoy our times together for themselves, not for their substitution for other things.
So yes, I was needy and alone, and couldn't do anything about that. I almost called up James, even though he's a dick, because he's never done anything to hurt me, and I just wanted to be with someone. I was crying and depressed and horny. It was unpleasant. I finally called up Sheri, because I couldn't get hold of Mari, who is usually my go-to on the shoulder-to-cry-on-sister thing. But Sheri and I talked. At first, she was totally serious with me, and I appreciated that. But I think she thought I was making a big thing out of a little thing. I'm sure she would have gone to bed with both of them right away. Hell, she probably would have asked to go to bed with both of them before she even found out. So it was hard talking to her after a while, and I said goodbye. So I put in a movie and fell asleep in front of the TV, and tried to just curl up into a little ball.
Then in the morning, I was all cried out, sort of, and feeling a little better about the situation, and realizing that it was my life, not the situation in particular, which was making me act the way I was. So I called up Kate and told her that I was sorry for storming out like that. And she said that I had nothing to apologize for, and that she was glad I was still willing to talk to her. And I said that I was still feeling betrayed that she had lied to me, but on the other hand, I wished she'd just come out and told me what she wanted because I didn't have a problem with it. I said I would be happy to share her bed while her husband watched, or even, if he was willing, have him join in. But I needed some time to get over the lying, and she had to promise not to keep anything else from me.
So that's where we are, currently. I'm getting over it. She said that Roger was sorry for everything too, and that he wanted nothing more than to be honest with me, and that we had to get back together again soon, because I was the best she'd ever had. Really, the way that Kate and Roger are forward is... strange. If it wasn't for my current feelings, I would find their up-front-ness refreshing, even. But they aren't always up-front, obviously, which makes it strange when they are. They'll be apologizing one minute and propositioning me the next, without any sort of conversational interlude at all. It's almost like they don't understand they're doing it.
It reminds me a little bit of my family, except only within my family. When we're alone, just the family, and Mike wants to put his cock inside me, he sometimes doesn't even ask. Maybe they're like that too, they just haven't mastered not being that way with people who don't get it.
But I think I'll be able to forgive them, especially since they seem determined to be honest with me now, and they don't seem to notice that they're being strange sometimes. So maybe they didn't mean it. Who knows. It's hard to be sexually adventurous in this day and age, I know, so maybe they're having as hard a time with it as I am. Anyway, I'm still torn up about it, a little, but I think it was just the last straw. My life has been topsy-turvy recently, and I think it was just that coming out.
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