First Porn

Lola invited a rumination on the first time I saw porn, and since I've got precious little else to write about at the moment, I thought I'd take a crack at it.

Then I thought to myself, "Lexi, can you even remember your first experience with porn?" It was a long time ago, I can say that for sure. My parents had some rules about porn; it was to be watched/consumed in the rumpus room downstairs, it was to be approved by them, and it was to be a special treat, not an all-day-every-day thing. Decent rules all, particularly for kids just starting out. It was kind of like all other TV; we didn't have TVs in our rooms, and we weren't supposed to watch things without Mom and Dad's approval and certainly not if our homework and chores weren't done.

Mari was never much into porn videos; she would watch them with others, but she had a collection of very tasteful erotic pictures that she enjoyed looking at, all naked women. I'm not sure she knew there were scads of lesbian porn available, or she might have been more interested. But anyway, she was more of a reader, and she didn't waste much time with smut or porn of any kind.

Sheri was into porn, but she was into viewing it on the sly. She was the one who had the stash of porn which was more extreme than our parents wanted us watching. I know, that sounds odd, but my parents wanted us to be able to explore sexuality, not watch brutal and demeaning hardcore or various other things. If Mari had asked, I'm sure lesbian porn would have been made available, but we didn't watch really raunchy stuff, groups, any BDSM-type material, or other more difficult subject matter. Not that we didn't know they existed, just that my parents didn't want us watching things like that when we were younger. I'm actually completely in agreement with their decision; sex is one thing, smut is another.

Anyway, Sheri had all the "good stuff" and she'd sometimes let me or Mike look at them with her. But honestly, when I was young, the fairly "vanilla" porn was more than enough for me; I wasn't interested in fake sex anyway. I wanted the real thing. But masturbation sometimes quieted the itch a little, and every so often I'd look at some porn.

Once I lost my virginity, of course, porn was there for when I didn't have someone else with whom to make love, which was more often than I would have liked but less often than the norm, certainly. And I can masturbate without porn, or with things that don't qualify as porn. I shudder to confess that once I came while reading the Bible. Going to Hell and I already knew it, so no need to remind me on that score.

Now, I don't have any rules about porn to keep me in check and I watch too much porn, but then I watch too much TV too (well, not TV but DVDs), so one can hardly blame my upbringing. I'm pretty catholic in my porn tastes (small c, small c) and many different things can get me off, although no porn is anywhere close to an orgasm with another person, even if it's just mutual masturbation. Sometimes, it's just easier. That's not a good thing, really, but when you need an O and the options are write a blog post(which regularly turns my crank, depending on what I'm blogging about, and gives me a much bigger orgasm) and then maybe finish off with some porn (I seldom get off while writing, but once I'm done, the O is bigger) or find porn right away, I'll frequently go for option B because it takes less time or effort.

But the question was, "Lexi, can you even remember your first experience with porn?" The answer is, shockingly, yes. I don't know that I remember it as much as I remember the events; a lot of the time, I have memories that don't bring up my thoughts or feelings at the time, but I do remember the event, like it had been told to me third-person or something. This is one of those, probably because it just isn't that big a deal.

It was after I got the birds and bees talk. At a certain point, I guess my parents decided that it was likely that we'd run into porn at some point, and it was better that we knew about it than stumbling into it. I remember a long spiel about how it wasn't real, how the whole thing was for people to watch, that sex wasn't actually like that, etc. and so on. Then they showed us some women posing, which was sexy but nothing I hadn't seen before. Then they put in a video which was some scene, I don't even remember what, with a couple fucking in a bedroom. I can't even remember whether there was any penetration shown. It revved me up because at that point anything sexual excited me a little, but I could tell it was all fake. Then Mom and Dad said, okay, that was the fake stuff, now who wants to watch the real thing. And they turned off the video and made love while we watched. It wasn't the first time they'd done that, but it was still exciting. It was love, not sex, and it just reinforced the idea that porn was fine and all, but it wasn't much compared with love.

So yeah, I think my porn problems stem from something other than my upbringing. But I tell you what: I'd rather bring my children up watching sex than watching violence. All my friends at school had seen all the latest Hollywood gorefests and had no idea what sex was, whereas I knew what sex was but hadn't seen Bloodbath on Explosion Island II: The Deadening. I'll leave it to the historians to figure out who was right there.

I know my experience in this regard is totally opposite to most people's. I do remember clearly the first time Sheri let me watch her secret porn with her. My parents were out of the house, and Sheri and I sneaked down to the basement and put in a tape she had which was a foursome, two guys, two girls. When they started doing anal and swapping partners, I was so turned on that I grabbed Sheri and kissed her, and the rest of the movie is mostly snippets and sounds in my memory. It was after my first time, but I was still fairly new to the idea of sex, and the images were really novel. It may have been the first time I saw anal sex, though I don't know that that's true; I think my parents may have covered that at some point. It was definitely dirtier than the porn we were allowed to watch.

Afterward, I felt a little dirty for having watched it, but I wanted to see it again. There was something enticing about the forbidden aspect of it. In hindsight, it was really mild porn, and chances are decent that my parents, at that point, might have let us watch something like it if we'd brought it up. But little rebellions are a part of growing up too. I rebelled a little, but nothing compared with Sheri. But we're different people.\

Anyway, that's porn for you. Now I'm going to find some nice porn and get off, hopefully more than once.