Bang the Gong, Get It On

Okay, so we covered all the various permutations of threesomes at least cursorily, let's dive into my favorite sorts of action: the group that contains more than three people.

First off, I don't believe that a gangbang is really a gangbang unless it involves more than two guys.  I know, porn would sometimes have us believe that a gangbang is just two guys taking turns, but come on, that's just a MMF threesome with no DP.  I don't call it an orgy if it only involves four people, either.  I've got nothing against things that aren't gangbangs or orgies, but why devalue the terms.

I've told the story of my birthday gangbang, and frankly I've never had anything which was close to that as far as gangbangs were concerned.  After that many guys only concentrating on you, anything else is going to be small potatoes.  So I don't actively seek three-guy gangbangs, even if I'm happy to have three guys to myself.

I could split hairs.  A gangbang, for me, is one where there's one gal who's the center of the action.  I know that in many gangbang situations, there are other women to help out, but someone has to be the star of the show.  Also, a gangbang should, at its best, be somewhat serial in nature.  If there are only three guys, I can take care of all of them at once if necessary.  I'd like my gangbangs to involve too many guys to handle at once.  The traditionalist in me is even satisfied with one at a time in a line.  Sure, DP is great and sucking a cock while being fucked is great, but I can get that out of other things.  Part of the allure of a gangbang, for me, is that I'm being used by the line at the DMV.  I know many people don't feel that way, and that's totally fine.  And again, my opportunities for gangbangs of any kind have been limited.

I have some experience with three guys.  Sheri and I have been able to scrounge up three guys willing to fuck one or the other of us on a few occasions.  But it's not totally fair to the gal who isn't the center of attention, so on at least some of those occasions, it's wound up just being a general melee and that's totally fine.

When I was in high school, I got as close to organizing my own gangbang as I think I ever have.  Team spirit helps.  My high school didn't have a football team, so that cliche is out, but we had a basketball team and they had a JV squad.  I wasn't a cheerleader; the varsity guys got those.  Frankly, I was more in the league of the chess club.  I know, I seem like I should be Miss Popularity, but I wasn't.  Still, at a party I managed to talk four of the JV-est JVs into going to a quiet room and letting me suck their cocks.  Four is too many cocks for me to handle at once with my mouth, particularly if they're not interested in bumping together.

They were kind of drunk, so they weren't too self-conscious about pulling it out in front of their friends, plus I guess you see that kind of thing in the locker room.  But after a few minutes of round robin on the cock sucking, I said, "Hey, there's a bed; why don't one of you fuck me while I keep going with the other three?"  So the biggest man on campus in the group sat down and I pulled off my panties, let him clumsily paw at my ass for a few moments while pushing up my skirt, then sank down onto him.

He was all like, "Bro, she's so fucking wet right now," and they were all like, "Dude, I want to hit that too."  Or some such nonsense.  "Shit, I'm going to go off in a minute," he gasped right as I was just beginning to feel tingles.  So I hopped off, waggled my ass, gave it a smack, and bent over to suck him off, letting them fight over who was next.  The BMOC nutted in my mouth and I was being railed by another one, bigger and thicker, which made me cum, which made him pull out abruptly and pull my head over to take the shot, which pulled me out of my orgasm, which sucked.  But I just smiled, swallowed, then pulled off my shirt, lay back on the bed, and started fingering myself until one of the others got the hint and mounted me.

He lasted the longest, giving me a nice orgasm without breaking stride, though he did get all big-headed when he could tell he was making me cum.  I think there were high-fives.  He pulled out and the last guy popped in while he stuck his cock in my mouth to get finished off.  I don't know what the last guy was doing because I barely felt anything before he was out and wanting to cum in my mouth too.

And that was that.  They were pleased with themselves and went to go get another drink.  I was pleased with myself and lay there for a while stroking my pussy and wishing they had cum inside me.

And then a random guy and girl, both drunk, stumbled in on my nudity.  He said, "Oh shit, she's in here jerking off," and his girl started drunkenly laughing and saying I was a slut, but then she saw that he was just staring and started getting pissed at him.  He tried not to look, but come on.  The most he was likely to have gotten was a sloppy blowjob, and here was this girl lying on the bed, legs spread, looking well-fucked, who was playing with herself and didn't seem to give a damn what they were doing.  She stormed off.  He looked like he was torn.  I just said, "Room for one more," and licked my fingers, and he was inside me quicker than a cat up a tree.

He was too drunk to control himself, so he came inside me and then said, "Fuck, I've got to go find her," or something slurry, and stumbled off.  And I went back to playing with myself until I had a nice O, then seeing as no one else had stumbled in, I cleaned up a little, put my clothes back together, and left.

Gangbang?  Yeah, I guess so.  Enjoyable?  Sure.  Could have been better, but I really shouldn't complain.

Other than that, I've had a few foursomes with three guys in my life.  I've been triple-teamed by Mike, Uncle Sam, and Dad.  I've been in bigger groups where three guys were paying attention to me at a time.  But as far as actual gangbangs go, it's just a matter of logistics.  When I hit some milestone birthday, maybe I'll get another as a present.  But they're tough to organize.

Okay, that's all for gangbangs, unless you've got questions.  Maybe next, I'll talk about coed groups.

Smuggling Dildos Addendum

I forgot all about one of my best dildo-smuggling stories.  Well, in this case it was a buttplug smuggling story, but it's all the same to me.

At a certain point, Mike and I were experimenting with a little D/s play.  I wouldn't even call it that.  Basically, I got into being his sex slave.  Not his regular slave, and he didn't do much of anything other than sex me up good whenever he wanted, but I agreed to be his sex slave.

It started out around the house; we were fucking and he started ordering me around and I enjoyed it.  It was just positions he wanted me in, or things he wanted me to do to him or myself.  But we both enjoyed it, so it became that I was basically at his beck and call as far as sex was concerned.  He was still pretty new to it and was needing to get his rocks off frequently, so he would pop into the room, snap his fingers, and I had to drop everything and give him whatever he asked for.

That started slow too.  At first he would just come in and ask me to get him off.  But then we progressed to him wanting me ready for him whenever, so I had to wear a skirt with no panties at all times.  I think he enjoyed interrupting me.  Mom and Dad just sighed and let us do what we were going to do, even if it meant that we would be eating dinner and he would give me a look and I would go over and suck his cock under the table while he kept eating.

But then he started wanting more.  I spent most of a day reading in his bed because he said he wanted me there, and every hour or so he would come in, I would get on my hands and knees, and he would fill me.  I don't want this to seem like he was abusing the relationship; I was getting plenty out of it.

Then he started interrupting me when I was on the phone.  I would be talking to one of my friends bent over the table or the bed while Mike quietly did his business inside me.  God, that was hot as shit.  And then he started interrupting me while I was with my friends.  He would stick his head around the door and nod at me, and I would have to make up some excuse like needing to use the bathroom, and we'd have a quickie.  Again, so fucking hot.  I was dripping wet every time I expected it.

He had graduated to anal by this point, so we did plenty of that too.  Usually to start he wanted my pussy, but after a few times, when it was getting a bit harder to keep hard, he'd switch to the back door, as it were.  And I was loving it.  He wouldn't let me clean up after him either, so I had to go back to my friends with cum inside me.  Again, this might all sound creepy, but we both got off immensely.

Then he wanted me at school.  Risky business.  He couldn't exactly pull me out of class, and we were in different grades, but come lunch time, we'd sneak off.  Most of the time it was just oral because we couldn't afford to get caught, but he still wanted me to wear no panties under my skirt, and we had a few close calls where someone came by just around the corner and we had to keep very still and quiet, hoping they wouldn't come around and find him with his cock deep inside me, still thrusting slowly away, my cunt dripping.  He liked to tease me, try to get me to moan at the worst times.  I'm sure if my parents knew about it, they would have killed us, because frankly, while it was a huge rush then, it was basically like we were drunk driving a stolen cop car at that point if anyone had found out.

At some point during this last phase, where the only thing he wasn't doing was coming into my classroom and dropping his pants and demanding that I suck him off in the middle of my class, he lit on the idea of a butt plug.  In this case, the idea was that I would have one in all day, except when he wanted to fuck me, then he would cum in my ass and then plug me back up, keeping all that hot sloshing cum up in there all day.

We started in the morning; I raised my ass as high as I could and he pressed in and filled me up, then popped in the plug and we went to school.  At lunch, I sneaked him into the girls' bathroom and he checked everything, then I sucked him almost to completion so fucking wouldn't cause any of the previous load to come out, then he pressed the head into my ass and let loose another load, then plugged me up again.  I could feel it a little after that.  Then we had planned ahead and both had a free moment closer to the end of the day, and he popped another load in, then we went home and I stayed ass in the air while he deposited two more loads, then he plugged me up until close to bedtime.

Then we both went to the bathroom and pulled out the plug and I felt what seemed like a cup of spunk drool out of my ass into the toilet.  I'm not into scat, but that was sexy.  And then, because not everything is sexy, kids, I had to take a mammoth shit after not doing so all day.

I don't know why we stopped; I guess we just moved on to different things.  Mike started being able to get his needs filled by people outside the family a bit more, but it wasn't like he and I never fucked again.  We just moved on from that bit of domination play.  At least until we got interested in impregnation play, which I think I've talked about and was a whole other story.

Religion

I promise, I'm not going to take sides.  I honestly don't care.  Do what works for you.  I think a lot of people don't do what works for them, and more people (although the Venn Diagram here overlaps) don't understand that "what works for you" necessarily includes your relationships with your fellow humans.  But I'm not going to talk about that, or tell you you're wrong.

Peter Princip, via email, was kind enough to ask me two questions, both related to religion.  So here goes.

"The question is this, is there any religion in your history?  Just to make it fun (in case the answer is "not really") any stories about fucking religious people?"

First thing's first: my family isn't terribly religious.  My mother's parents were, which was part of the whole thing there, so she turned her back on religion completely (again, the whole, "what works for you" but doesn't work for your children because it makes you be an utter cock-monster to them thing).  My father grew up in a part of the world where you went to church on Sunday or everyone thought you were the devil.  But he became much more crunchy granola about it pretty quickly.

So no, we weren't religious growing up.  That said, my parents were of the opinion that, if you live in the world, it's a good idea to know some of the shared mythology, so I know Bible stories (particularly the salacious ones; Lot and his daughters was my favorite growing up for some reason) but I also know stuff about Islam and Hinduism and Buddhism and Judaism.  We had good friends growing up who were various religions, and I've been to Passover and meditated and all kinds of fun stuff.

Basically, I'm all about the fun stuff.  I even think the Mass in Latin is fun stuff.  I've always wanted to go to a Russian Orthodox service still done in Old High Slavonic.  And my family is a little spiritual.  We hold hands before meals sometimes, and if my uncle and aunt are visiting we do a blessing, or if someone else is eating with us we do what they want to do.  We're pretty chill.

But I also went to Catholic school for years.  So I was steeped in the traditions, such as they are, of post-Vatican-II Catholicism, which I find more sad than anything else because it's so meh.  I don't particularly like Catholicism, but at least they were, at a certain point, kind of dogmatic about things.  But American Catholicism these days is just kind of blah.  No real passion there.  I'd much rather go to a Baptist revival (and have) because the music is better.  I'm not at all being racist here: the black congregation in our town was just a better congregation, as far as being a visitor was concerned.  Very friendly, very loving, very musical, and totally bigoted and horrible when it came to beliefs.  Mormons are great people too, except again, I can't at all get behind their religious beliefs.

That's my religious background.

Now the second, more fun, part of the questions.

Have I ever had fun with religious folks?  Sure.  Most of the time it doesn't come up, so I don't have a tally.  Mostly Christians, if I had to venture a guess.  Let me assure you, religion is no barrier to wanting to fuck me.  I've been with "happily" married evangelicals, I was with a Mormon couple on several occasions (they were really terrible in the sack to start, but very nice people), and I think at least one Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu, although the Buddhist was more of a philosophical Buddhist, so it wasn't like I was fucking a Thai Buddhist monk or anything.  A few fairly radical atheists, but they kept that out of the bedroom.

But I imagine what you'd actually like to hear about is men of the cloth, of various persuasions.  And being ordained by the Universal Life Church on the Internet doesn't count.  I pretty much have one story there.

When I was in high school, we had to take religion class.  It was a Catholic school, after all.  And that was mostly just catechism.  But we'd have seminarians come in to be guest teachers sometimes.  Seminarians, for those of you who don't know, are priests in training at the seminary.

There was one seminarian, let's call him Henry, who was just dreamy.  I know I'm not the only girl in the class (and maybe there were guys too, but they kept very quiet about it for understandable reasons) who thought he was hot.  He was young, dusty blond, looked like he might be built under his priest uniform (they don't wear cassocks any more, unfortunately, or I would have had all kinds of fantasies about crawling up under there and... well, anyway, I would have had more of them), and good looking in the parts I could see.

Let me insert here that I felt it my sacred duty as a heathen to make life miserable for my religion teachers.  I once argued with a seminarian (not Henry) for most of class that there was no such thing as eternal truth, just because I got him going about it.  I was just being a dick about it.  He said that universal truth was like gravity, so I had him picking up a pencil and dropping it over and over again to continue to prove gravity would make it fall, until I finally said, "If you can keep doing that every instant of time from now until the end of time, then I'll believe gravity is a universal truth."  And I don't even believe that.  But I was screwing with him.  Not proud of it, not sorry for it either.  I was young and stuck in religion class.

Anyway, I decided that the best way to screw with Henry's fragile pre-priesthood was to flirt with him as much as possible.  If he had been Indiana Jones, I would have written things on my eyelids.  Basically, I just eye-fucked him every chance I got, licked my lips, hiked my skirt, that kind of thing.

Let me also insert here that I've since hung out with very cool seminarians, come to really appreciate what they believe and so forth, and let me tell you, many, many priests are not pure as the driven snow.  They can drink me under the table, tell the dirtiest jokes, and frequently have led extremely interesting lives before coming to their calling, and they still believe hard and want to be priests and are good people.

But Henry was pure.  He was young, just out of college, and he had no idea what to do with me.  He tried ignoring me, he tried teaching me, he tried everything he could think of.  Had he come to me after class and invited me into the closet, I might have jumped his bones, or maybe I would have been a good person.  But it was definitely screwing with his lizard brain.  I'm not saying I was catching him with wood in his black priest slacks, but he was definitely flustered.

And then one day, he stopped being our sub.  Nothing was said.  It wasn't remarkable; seminarians came and went, some graduated, some went to other schools, some left.  I figured he'd probably just gone to another school or something, but I liked to think that I'd driven him screaming from our class with my feminine wiles.  What can I say?  I was young and stupid.

Then, several years later, I ran into him in his civvies in the grocery store, and he came up to me and said, "Hey Lexi, you probably don't remember me, but it's Henry, the seminarian."  Or rather ex-seminarian.  Because he'd left the priesthood.  And being older and, if not wiser, at least less of a dick, I felt really guilty about that when he said I was responsible.  But he said I shouldn't feel guilty.

He said he'd left our class because he couldn't deal with his feelings about me.  Not love or anything, but he realized he was definitely attracted to me.  So he tried confessing that, like you do if you're Catholic, but eventually he realized that he'd also felt the same way about other women, and likely would again, and that God didn't want him to be a priest.  So I'm a messenger from God?  No, not really.  He just realized that his calling wasn't celibacy.  He also realized that it was kind of silly for him, a virgin who had never really experienced much of anything in life, to give something up when he didn't really know what he was giving up.  So he told his superiors, and to their credit (this is, in fact, how it's supposed to work; you're not supposed to become a priest if you don't feel called to it) they said, "Go with God and do what God wants you to do with your life."

And then he had sex, and it was great, and he realized that yeah, he wasn't going to give that up.  Nor was he interested in getting married to do it.  He stayed Catholic (why, I'm not sure; premarital sex is a pretty big no-no) but he got a job helping people (I won't say what, but it was legit) which is why he'd wanted to go into the priesthood in the first place.

Blah blah blah, all of that isn't why you're here.  We talked for what seemed like forever about it, then he said he'd like to keep talking but maybe the dairy aisle of the grocery store wasn't the place, so we went and got dinner and he told me the rest, and we talked about it, and then it segued into him telling me I was still so gorgeous and he had thought about me often and I said, "Well, there's nothing stopping us now," and we got the check and went back to his apartment.

And he was nicely put together under his clothes, as I had suspected.  He liked when I told him how I thought about him in class.  He laughed when I said I wished he'd worn a cassock.  So much foreplay.  It was great.  He had clearly gotten experience on his journey, because he made me cum so hard on his fingers and tongue.  And when I moaned, "Oh Father Henry," he, to his credit, was totally okay with that.  And we started talking dirty Catholic.

"Bless me Father, for I am going to sin all over you."

"My child, sin again, sin again."

And at that point I still remembered a lot more Catholic than I do now.  I don't want you to think this was serious; we were giggling the entire time.  He laughed out loud when I started saying the Hail Mary as I slipped his cock into me.  We gave it up after that and just concentrated on sex.  When I told him to cum inside me, that I was on the pill, he mockingly waggled his finger at me and said something about Mother Church saying it was a sin, but he totally came inside me anyway.

The nice thing about it was that he didn't just roll off and lie back.  He couldn't get enough of me.  He had his hands all over me and his tongue and lips on my nipples, and he got hard again in a hurry.  Before he pressed in for the second time, he looked down at me and said, "God, I wish we'd done this after class."

"Yeah, me too.  You were the sexiest seminarian ever."

I didn't cum before he finished inside me again, but he pulled out when he was done and then kept working on me until I did.  Then we were finally finished.  Overall, he would have been wasted on the priesthood.

I think he was interested in something more serious, but I wasn't, so we left it at that.  I still see him on Facebook, and he's still doing God's work in the way I'm pretty sure God wants.  So in the balance, I'm happy how it worked out.  I imagine he's made plenty of women very happy.

Other than that, I've never really fucked an actual man of the cloth.  I totally would though.  Sexy times.  But hopefully that was a fun enough story to excuse my lack of experience in this department.  I've had sex in churches, just never with the priest.

Anyway, thanks for the questions Peter, and everyone, keep them coming because I'm happy to answer them.  If I teased anything you'd like to hear more about, let me know.

Two Ladies

Shout out to Cabaret!

Okay, so having covered some thoughts on MMF threesomes, let's dive into another sort.  I don't have any experience with MMM threesomes (although I'd be happy to learn, not sure how other than watching one) and I've talked about FFF threesomes in the recent past.  So before I move on to larger groups (if I do; requests welcome) I'll tackle every guy's favorite situation.

Only it isn't.  I've talked with numerous guys for whom it wasn't a huge turn-on, either because they didn't want to share, because they weren't into it for whatever reason, or because they were worried about satisfying two girls.

Let's address those.  Firstly, if you're not okay with sharing, that's totally fine.  Whether you're sharing your partner with another man or another woman, some people can't do it.  And that's totally okay.  This is a no judgment zone.

Secondly, if you're worried about satisfying two girls at the same time.... that's probably a decent worry.  In a lot of FFM threesomes, it's on the guy to do the heavy lifting.  And I'm afraid that guys have some disadvantages there.  I can happily fuck two or more guys to completion, but a guy has only so many orgasms to give out.  So if your partners are both looking for you to cum for them, that can be difficult.

The way around that is to give the ladies what they want in other ways.  If foreplay is important when it's just a guy and his lady friend, then it's more than doubly important when there are two armies at the gates, as it were.  I've been with guys who only came once the entire threesome, but they got me and my lady partner off multiple times.  Sure, it's nice to get two, but I wasn't complaining.

But as I did with the previous post, let's just run down some of the computations.  First off, there's the fantasy: "I just want to watch you two fuck each other, then maybe, if I'm lucky, get to join in."  Lesbians or girls who express any tendency toward being down with another lady hear that all the fucking time.  Usually it's just watching.

And you know what?  It doesn't have to be creepy.  If all three of us are willing, I've got no problem with the guy wanting to enjoy the two ladies pleasuring each other.  Don't be a dick about it.  Don't ask people who are not into you to let you watch.  But if all parties are inclined, I've cheerfully let a guy watch me and a special lady friend in our amorous embraces and been totally fine with that.  It can be a turn-on.  Situations vary; I've had very few good times that way just being out with a girl and meeting a guy who wants to watch.  But if, say, that girl is your sister and you want to watch me fuck her brains out but aren't yet enlightened enough to join in, no big deal.  I get off on that, and you and she probably do too.

If you and your lady friend are looking for a partner for her to experiment with, hey, I'm down with that as well.  If you want to watch, I can totally see why.  I've been with women who were with their boyfriends (or husbands, on a few occasions) when we met, but after the negotiations were concluded, the man left and let us get to business.  On at least a few of those occasions, the lady would go back and tell the man all about it, so it was a bit of a cuckolding situation.  Sometimes it was something she was into, he wasn't really, but he was being supportive.  I get off a little on being with someone else's partner (because I'm a freak) so I was fine with that.

More frequently, if it's that kind of setup, we all three go back to whatever place we go back to, and the guy watches us.  It's like a performance, sometimes.  That can be trouble if the lady is shy.  I was with one couple where it became clear, after a while, that the guy was making the girl do this.  It wasn't that she wasn't into me, just that he was definitely calling the shots.  He started ordering her around, telling her to do various things.  Not terribly sexy if it hasn't been cleared with everyone beforehand.  Kate and her husband can get like that sometimes.  I know what to expect there, but unexpected long-distance domination of the partner I'm trying to get off is a turn-off for me.

But most of the time, it's just fine.  Sometimes the guy just watches.  Sometimes he pulls out his dick and masturbates.  I don't usually pay much attention after a point.  But sometimes, if the guy gets naked and is moving closer, I'll encourage him to join in.  And that's when we get the fun stuff.

Between committed partners, I've been basically a sex toy.  I remember one married couple, the guy much older than me, the woman probably older by a few years, where the deal was that the wife and I would get to play as much as we wanted, but he only fucked her.  I support boundaries, but lines get blurred, and I did wind up cleaning him off and getting him hard again, and he came in my mouth the second time.  But nothing in the pussy.  That was the deal.  I can work around that.

I've also been with a couple where it was the opposite: he could fuck me all the way, but she wasn't interested in anything but watching us and playing with him.  Again, lines got blurred and she did wind up sucking my tits while he fucked me, and she ate his cum off of my belly when he pulled out, but no kissing and I didn't really touch her.

I suppose I should have put in sooner that sometimes there's a "FFM" where it's the woman watching her man fuck me.  Fewer of those, but it happens sometimes.  I was with this very nice couple in college (well, I was in college and they were both on staff) where the woman was basically disinterested in sex, so she decided to let him have the sex he needed with other people, but she wanted to be there so it was like she was fucking him in spirit.  I remember they kissed a lot while he was inside me.  She stayed fully clothed and by his side the whole time.  You might think that was weird, but we had gotten to know each other beforehand.  It wasn't a random hookup.  I'd actually gotten to know her first, and we'd talked over drinks a few times about sex, and she finally asked me if I was interested in joining them, which I was, so I got to know him a little and they told me what the score was.  And I was down.

Sometimes arrangements go bad.  I'm not proud of myself sometimes.  He started seeing me without her, telling me that they'd decided that he had to get his alone.  And she seemed like that was okay at first, but then she got really jealous of me and told me she didn't want me to see him any more by myself, but he kept wanting to see me and saying she'd changed her mind again, and finally I had to tell her what was going on behind her back.  She got super pissed at me and we never really talked again.  And... well, I kept being his avenue to cheat on her, and they finally separated.  I think he was interested in something serious with me, but I wasn't interested in that, so he got pissed at me too and that was that.  Bridge thoroughly burned.

Moving on from that somewhat unpleasant experience (I mean, the sex was great though) there's times when it's me and a girlfriend (Gwen and I did this a lot) picking up a guy.  Or when a couple picks me up and they're both interested in all of it.  Either way, that's when we come to a guy really having to satisfy two girls, and that can be rough.  But often it's not.  There's something extremely sexy about being next to another woman while a guy swaps his cock from one to the other.  Or having a girl eat you out while a guy's cock is in you, pussy or ass, it's all good.  Or getting to suck a cock right out of another gal's pussy.

I guess, rather than going through a whole list of things which make an FFM work, I'll just say that if the guy is willing to try to give both gals pleasure, that counts for a lot.  Maybe one of you gets more penetration time, but it doesn't have to be a clinical calculation.  It's heat of the moment stuff.  Hell, I'm happy to tag along with a couple where all I really get to do is be the third pleasure wheel.  I've been with couples who were mostly fucking each other but where there were no lines to cross and I got plenty out of it.

I've walked in on couples more times than I can count.  At home it was pretty common, particularly when Sheri was still living at home.  That's not even counting walking in on Mike or Dad and one of the ladies of the family.  I've gotten more secondary action from Sheri's momentary conquests than anyone else, I think.  It's usually easier to pull off if the guy doesn't know we're related, but sometimes that doesn't matter either.  I mean, there are a lot of men out there who may not be into incest but are totally into fucking two sisters at the same time.

And there's my college years with Gwen, of course.  We had a special system which has never, every been copied: she'd hang something on the doorknob when she was in flagrante in our room, and I'd do the same (yeah, weren't we original).  But after we got to know each other better, that stopped happening as often, and I would walk in to Gwen fucking some guy a lot.  And if there was nothing on the knob and they were in there doing the deed, I'd come in and watch and join in if I cared to and the guy was okay with it, which most were.  Ditto for the reverse.  If you walk in and join, you're supposed to, by rule of honor, take a back seat to the gal who got the guy in the first place, but a few times that didn't happen.  I remember once, Gwen saw me come in, hopped off the guy, said, "Oh good, I'm glad you're here; I've got to take a break."  The guy started to get up, but Gwen just said, "Lexi is going to finish you up," and wrapped herself in a towel and headed for the bathroom while I stripped down and hopped on his cock like we were doing that bit from The Honeymooners.  "Mornin' Sam.  Mornin' Ralph."  Clock punched, time to go to work.  He was huge and I could understand why she needed a break.  Not really a threesome, I suppose, but it got me off.

And lastly, before I finish up this particular topic, there are times when you walk in on complete strangers and they invite you to join.  Rara avis, that one.  I was working somewhere, don't remember where, and I went into a back room to get something and there were two people I knew vaguely but had never really talked with that much going at it against a wall.  I think the guy was an actor and the girl was in props or costumes or something.  It was a party, I think, after hours, or after normal hours because theatre life has no hours.  I think I'd left the main party to do something work-related in the darker areas of the theater.  But she gasped, "Oh god, come here, he's so hot," or something like that, so I said, "Okee dokee," and came over and got drunken kisses from the cute prop girl.

He pulled out of her and I got on my knees immediately because he had a nice cock, not enormous but just pretty.  Cut, thick, veiny, with a big head and a shaft long enough that it tickled the tonsils when I deepthroated him.  They were both pretty drunk.  Not falling-down drunk, but drunk enough that they both instantly thought it was a great idea to have me join them.  Pretty soon she had my pants and panties down, my shirt up, and was sucking my tits like there was no tomorrow while I sucked his cock and he fingered her.  Then he pulled me up and pressed into me against the wall.  It had been a long day, so it was very nice to be filled like that.  They were kissing, then she basically pulled all of us down so my head was between her legs and he was fucking me from behind on all fours, and it was pretty hot and heavy from then on out.

We each got a load, separated by some very nice drunken girl-on-girl, and then we excused ourselves to go back to whatever we were doing.  But when I came back a few minutes later, they were back, or at least I thought they were back, until I realized that no, it was the cute prop girl, but the guy was a different guy, another cute actor.  What a whore she was, and I was loving it, because she called me over again and we had two FFMs in the same night.

So there's some random stuff about FFMs.  Drop me a request or a question and I'll write more.  I can be specific, if there's a story I've teased in one of these ramblings which piques your interest.

Tag Teams

@DehuddRyan has asked (see, I respond) for some ruminations on group action, and while I could fill books with that kind of thing, I'm going to break out a few things I've been thinking about.  Firstly, the cherished and far too rare MMF.

Most guys aren't comfortable with the MMF.  I know, shocker.  Well, actually, I wish it weren't that way.  But for many guys, the threesome is exclusively the FFM.  Two chicks, one dick, and then he doesn't have to see another guy naked.  Which is sad.  No one's asking you to go gay, guys, although for whatever reason it's perfectly acceptable for a guy to ask two gals to lez out at the drop of a hat.

But I don't ask my multiple male partners to make out with each other while I sit and watch.  I mean, if they want to, I'm totally down, but I usually have other things in mind.  So no worries if you happen to be out with a friend and I approach you.  I'm not going to make you blur boundaries.

More that that, though, even guys who are comfortable sharing are often uncomfortable sharing in a way which might lead to accidental contact of skin with another guy.  It's just the world we live in.  So many of my MMF experiences have been of a strictly, or at least largely, tag-team variety.  I get DP pretty infrequently.  And I get it; it's too much like you're fucking another guy.  And I also know that a lot of good guys are squicked out by it and I'm not judging (well, much).

The bottom of the pole, as it were, is the strictly tag team.  And that's fine and dandy with me.  I prefer partner swapping if there are others involved, like say another girl and we swap guys, and that's happened plenty of times.  Some men are too shy to even have sex in the same room as another couple, so I'll take what I can get.  But if it's just me and two guys, and one is just sitting by the sidelines waiting his turn, well, I'd like about fourteen more guys on the sideline too and turn it into a gangbang.  I'm old-school: a gangbang isn't a gangbang unless there are more than two guys involved.

It's okay though.  I remember once, meeting two guys and finding them completely okay with the idea of sharing, but then when we got back to their hotel room finding that they were going to argue for what seemed like forever about who was going to get sloppy seconds while I sat there feeling awkward.  Finally I said, "Look, why don't we play it by ear?" and then pulled both their cocks out and worked on them in tandem until they forgot they were arguing and wound up sharing me in more ways than I think they planned.

I've also been with guys who were clearly alpha and beta dogs.  It's not always the same though.  You might expect the alpha to go first, but oddly enough, frequently the alpha will be giving the beta a gift or something, and he'll be like, "Okay, show my bro a good time."  Nowadays I would probably think long and hard about that, but in my youth, I was down.  I remember at least once where one guy basically sat back and jerked off while watching his friend fuck me seventeen ways to Sunday, then let me finish him in my mouth.  To each his own.  Maybe he liked watching but didn't want to admit it.

Then there's the constant swap.  That's not two guys at the same time, necessarily, but it takes a bit more comfort with each other.  There might be blowjobs that go back and forth, and then one guy fucks me for a while, the other hops in, then they swap back out.  That, to me, is the true tag-team.  I even fucked two guys while we were all just having a great time, laughing and telling jokes, and at a certain point it became a joke for them to tag each other in when they would swap.

Then there's some more involvement on both sides.  Maybe I give them head together, and then I keep sucking one while the other plows me.  And I'm totally fine with that, although depending on the skill of the guy fucking me the blowjob the other guy gets might be sub-par.  Still, if he gets a turn in my pussy or ass after they switch out, it's just prep work in my mouth anyway.

There are plenty of permutations.  I've sat in a guy's lap while blowing his friend, I've been spitroasted many times (and even Eiffel Towered a few in my college days when I would fuck people who thought that was a good idea), and although it's not my thing I've sucked balls and given a rimjob while on my back being pounded.  As long as I'm between the two of them, it's not gay, like The Lonely Island has pointed out.

Then there's the ever-elusive DP.  I've been with a few pairs who clearly had it on their minds from the get-go, including two guys who straight up asked me if I was interested in it while we were still in the negotiation stage before we even got to the locale where the act would take place.  Sometimes it happens organically, like if we're all enjoying ourselves in a semi-involved way and, while I'm riding one guy, I invite the other to hop in there.  I've had a few rejections.  Sometimes I can tell that they're not comfortable with it, sometimes anal isn't on the table, but sometimes even if they haven't seemed like they were comfortable with it I've offered anyway because the only way to find out is to ask and they were too shy to admit it.  And sometimes that works.  I remember one pair who seemed totally shy around each other, but once juices got flowing and I was reverse cowgirl on one partner with his cock in my ass, I said to the other guy, "You want to stick that big cock in my pussy?" and he grinned sheepishly and then came and did it, by God.  Props to trying things outside your comfort zone.

If I can swing it, I try to get the guy who seems less interested under me before I ask.  That way he has things on his mind and is in less of a position to argue.  I'm not saying I force anyone, and I've had a few partners who, even underneath me, their cocks buried in what I can assure you is a very enticing pussy, say, "Hey, wait, I don't want his dick touching me," when I offered.  One guy even pushed me off of him and got all defensive about how I was trying to make him gay.  What can I say?  I was less discriminating than I should have been there.  He got his clothes on, still spouting bullshit, and left, and I figured his friend would leave too, but his friend kept apologizing for the asshole and I said, "Hey honey, it's not your fault," and we would up having a very nice rest of the evening together.

I have to say, I enjoy two guys who are totally comfortable with each other the best.  That doesn't mean they necessarily do anything more than share me, no DP, but if they're not either shy or awkwardly trying to one-up the other because they're scared they're not as good as the other, that's usually for the best.  I've had a few very good experiences with guys who were down for whatever happened and weren't afraid of each other.  That's the only times I've ever had DP in more exciting ways than me sandwiched, either cowgirl or reverse, one cock in pussy, one in ass.

When I was younger and more limber, I had standing DP with two guys.  One held me up with his hands under my knees while the other straight up reamed my asshole.  I won't say it was the best; I think somewhat more vanilla DP gives a lot more opportunities for pleasure and less risk.  But I enjoyed it.  Then I hopped off and flipped around and we switched for a moment until the previous holder took me from the other guy again, facing away from him, his cock in my ass, and let his friend fuck my pussy with the same force.  I came so hard that I popped his cock out of my ass and he came all over my butt.

I've also had double vaginal, but never double anal.  Double vag is tough.  I'm tight (not bragging; most women are too tight for it to be easy) and the second guy kept popping out.  It was a bit like taking the biggest dildo I've ever had.  There was some discomfort.  But the feeling of fullness you get from being stuffed like that is hard to beat, even if it is a little uncomfortable at first.

And lastly, there's that rare Sasquatch peeking around a tree, the duo who are so comfortable that they'll play with each other.  I've had bi guys in pairs, and that's fucking awesome.  I've told some of those stories.  But I've also had guys who weren't bi when they took their clothes off, but got really comfortable and started exploring.  Usually it's just kissing or touching.  I had two of the most stereotypical bros in the world jerk each other off onto my tits once.  I may have goaded them on a bit, but they were into it after a few seconds.  I like to be between a pair of guys and notice them looking at each other lustfully, not at me.  Like I said, I'm not going to just sit back and let them make out while I watch, but it's fun to be sandwiched and then have the two guys start kissing and stroking each other while they fuck me proper.

To skip back to the beginning, the polar opposite of that I've had once too.  I went back to a hotel with two guys once, and as soon as I started making out with one, the other said, "Okay, call me when you're done," and I thought I was going to lose one partner for the evening.  But lo and behold, as soon as my current paramour had finished, he stuck his head out the door and called the other guy in, who, with no prompting or introduction, pulled off his clothes and entered me while I was still lying back basking in the afterglow.  Which would have been odd enough, but they kept swapping like that.  I think they each came inside me three times, one after the other, one guy always in the other room.  I think the first guy waited in the hall, but after that, they waited in the bathroom until the other finished.  And at first it felt a little odd, but then I started to get into it.  It was kind of clinical and anonymous (which was helped by the fact that I didn't know these guys at all).  And I can get off on that.

Next time, continuing the theme, I'll talk some more about groups maybe.  But questions and requests are still welcome on Twitter, email, or in the comments.  Don't make Ryan do all the heavy lifting.

Smuggling Dildos

I used to be a regular sex-toy smuggler.  I haven't done as much of it recently, for various reasons, but in my prime I would sneak dildos and plugs into all kinds of places.  Sometimes it was a dare, but often it was just something I wanted to do.

I think it's a bit like comfort food.  Feeling full is comforting to me.  Usually the only things which were terribly distracting were vibes, but I didn't do that often and usually on dares.  Trying to sit still in a lecture or on a bus with a vibe going to town on your nethers is not comforting.  It can be excruciating.  I remember one teacher asked me if I was feeling okay after I came for the second time in his class.  I said I was feeling a little feverish.  Hence the flush.  He didn't press the issue.

But a lot of times, I would just put a dildo up my snatch before going to school in the morning.  It's important to wear panties when you do that, because sometimes things can slip out otherwise.  I had a pink dil, only about five inches and bumpy, which was my favorite.  It had a base so it would sit right up against my labia when I had it in, and I would just slip in in, put on my panties, then wear a skirt.  It's hard to hide the bulge in pants, at least not tight ones.

And then I would just feel nicely filled all day.  I could grind down on it a little to get a tickle, but mostly it was just present.  It helped with PMS cramps too, sometimes.

I remember at least once almost forgetting I was "wearing" it until I was getting hot and heavy with someone and he put a hand in my panties and thought I was a tranny.  I laughed and told him it was just keeping his place.  He wanted to see me pull it out, so I bent over and let him pull it out himself.  Then he started playing with me with it.  I had to take it out after because my muscles were too worked out to deal with it in, so it sat in my backpack the rest of the day.

After a while I graduated to butt plugs.  Those are easier to keep in, but less comfortable to sit with.  I tried one in the pink and one in the stink a few times, but that was hard to concentrate with.  I kept having to go to the bathroom to rub one out because the pressure between the two was intense.  But if I were out and about, it was easier to walk with a plug in my ass than a dildo in my pussy, so I might go for the former.  Plus, if I'm thinking I might get lucky that day, I could just leave the plug in and have a bunch more fun.

Gwen, my college roomie, bought us an egg vibe on a cord which strapped to the inner thigh.  She kept daring me to wear it to classes, and I did a few times.  That was easier to hide, but I kept soaking through my panties and the crotch of my jeans.  Only dark colors for that.  Although once she made me wear it out with shorts in exchange for something, I don't really remember what.  A few people saw the control strapped to my thigh.  They probably knew what was going on.

Swimming is another fun place to sneak a dildo.  It makes it easier to get off underwater.  I remember the first time I did that; I was much too young to be doing anything like that and yet I went to the pool with one inside me, put on my suit, and tried to look inconspicuous.  Once you're in the water it's fine, but getting in and out makes it much more obvious.  I think people assumed I was wearing a diaper or something and didn't say anything.  Or maybe they were looking on lasciviously.  I certainly would have.

Car trips are best with a little vibrating friend.  If you've got no company, that is.  I rode several hours in the back of my friend's parents' car with a vibe in.  Again, much too young for it to be even mildly appropriate.  I had mastered, at that point, the art of cumming without making a scene, so I just sat there and came over and over again.  When we got to the hotel and were safely in our room with the parents gone, my friend wanted to know what was going on, so I showed her.  She was enthralled and just watched as I got myself off again, then tucked it away in my bag.  We didn't do anything sexual that trip, but every night she wanted to watch me play with myself and the vibe.

Once, and only once, I let my sister talk me into sneaking the biggest dildo we had into school.  It didn't fit.  I had to sit weird and I kept having to sneak a hand down to keep it inside me.  Finally, when I was standing up after first period, it almost slipped out and I had to clench and run to the bathroom so I didn't start dropping rubber cocks on the floor.

And I think I've told this story, but I've also worn a double dildo in both holes to class.  That was tough.  It was like I had hemorrhoids.  I couldn't sit down.  I had to basically lean against the back of the chair and keep myself up.  Every time I let my ass slip down, the pressure was so intense I almost came.  Nobody said anything.  But I got back at Gwen for that one by making her do it too, and she said she almost died.

Yeah, I'm wicked.  Questions?  Twitter, email, or comments.  I'm waiting.

Ushering

Sheri's answers made me think of my own experiences with ushering boys into men.  Or something like that.  I figured I'd just ramble on about that for a while.

The worst virgin I ever had was still better than the worst sex I've ever had.  I don't hold it against virgins, even if they've got some experience in other arenas.  Usually they're so eager that's it's tough to be good.  I'm speaking of guys exclusively here; gals are a different matter.

I've had more than one premature ejaculation, which is why I usually warm things up orally first, because once the rocks are off to start, they usually have more staying power the second time.  But sometimes you want that first spurt to be inside you, and it doesn't work out.  I had a boy cum in his pants just kissing me once.  It was awkward for him, but I just shrugged it off.

I think that's the key to properly introduce a virgin to sex: you've got to be generous.  It's not necessarily going to be the longest or the greatest, but it's an honor, at least as far as I'm concerned.  I compliment and give pointers.  As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at it.  When I was younger, the virgins were thicker on the ground and they were usually a bit more selfish too, for some reason.

Taking a guy's virginity has a different feel when you're roughly the same age.  Even when I was pretty experienced, there were still plenty of partners who'd never done it before, and sometimes they wouldn't tell me, but you can sort of tell.  I'm not saying you can always tell, and sometimes it's hard to say whether they're really virgins or just have only done it once and probably with someone who had no idea what they were doing either.  These days, the few I've had have been either more willing to admit it or have come to me specifically because of it.

And there's absolutely not shame in virginity.  Really.  Whether you're saving yourself for marriage or just haven't had the opportunity or just haven't felt like it, there's no shame there.  A lot of people feel ashamed of it but I think it's often more shame about something else.  I mean, if you've wanted to have sex but no one has accepted your offer, you start to wonder if something's wrong with you.  Or you might be ashamed of breaking whatever vow you've made to stay a virgin.  But you shouldn't feel ashamed of being a virgin.  Whether you're 13 or 43, sex is fun, but it's not all there is in life, and not having had sex, even if you've masturbated millions of times, isn't shameful.

I've had a few virgins who were breaking promises.  I find that, frequently, those promises were promises they made because they felt they had to, not because they really wanted to.  Parents, schools, religion, and even just society seem to make it out that virgins are pure and people who have sex are sullied in some way.  So just as there's no shame in being a virgin, so too there's no shame in losing your virginity.

I've been happy to offer myself as a way for virgins to switch from one state to the other.  I'll do it again, I'm sure.  I'll probably be ancient and still available for virgins, if they'll have me.  But it doesn't make you a man to have sex either.  It's this social rite of passage, but that's silly.  Sex is something you do because it's fun or you love someone or for various other reasons including procreation.  But being a man (or a woman, although I'm not really talking about them here) is how you act, not what parts of you have contacted what parts of another person.

I've been the first girl for a few gay guys.  Maybe I should say bi guys.  Some of them were bi, and cheerfully had sex with both women and men, but some were just curious, had sex with me, and then went back to having sex with men.  Curiosity is healthy.

Let's see... the oldest virgin I've ever had was in his thirties, I believe.  But maybe that was just the greatest difference in ages.  He was deeply ashamed of it.  It twisted him up inside.  I felt more like a therapist than anything else.  I'm not sure how much I helped him, because he was convinced that he was terrible in bed, kept apologizing.  I think, although I'm not sure, that part of the reason he was still a virgin when I met him was that he wasn't attracted to women his own age.  Which is also kind of sad.  I feel for people who are only attracted to things they can't have.  Yes, this means I have sympathy for pedophiles.  There are a fair number of them living among us, and most of them would never hurt a fly.  It's just how they're wired.  I'm not defending them doing anything about their urges, but it must be difficult to be that way.

Some tips for any virgins in the audience:

Grateful is great, but don't feel like you have to overdo it.  Even if I were doing you a favor (and I'm not always; sometimes I just want to get laid and you happened to be a virgin) you don't have to be any more grateful than you should be if anyone has sex with you at any time.

Express your gratitude in actions, not words.  Telling me you're grateful is fine, I guess, but even better is being a considerate lover.

If you can't last, there are other things we can do.  It doesn't have to be a one-time thing.  Sex is more than just pumping for five seconds, rolling over, and going to sleep.  I'm not saying that to shame you either.  I'm saying that because if you can't last, lots of the other stuff can be a whole lot of fun too.  Enjoy yourself.  Don't be in a hurry to lose it.

This is a tip for everyone, but listen to your partner.  If she (or he) knows you're a virgin, hopefully she'll tell you what to do a bit more than normal.

Sure, getting your dick wet the first time is great.  But what's even better is making someone else happy sexually for the first time.  That's why sex is better than masturbation.  Getting yourself off is something you've probably done before, but getting another person off... that'll make you feel like a million bucks.

Porn lies.  I love porn, but don't believe it for a moment.  Real sex isn't like that.  It's way, way better.  Being surrounded by a living, warm, wet, breathing human... yeah, there's no shame in going off too soon if all you've ever done is stroke your cock with your hand.  I don't have a cock, but the first time I stuck my finger in a pussy, you can bet I knew that a real pussy is different.

Some tips for anyone who finds themselves deflowering someone:

Slowly.  They may want to rush, but slow it down.  Make it an experience, not just a moment.  That's really the best thing you can do.

Get naked with them.  Sure, the back of a car or an alley or a dark closet is sexy, but the first time, maybe try to do it up proper.

Don't worry about them being quick on the draw.  Again, this is addressed to those who are making a boy a man.  If a gal is quick on the draw, that's great and keep going.  But if a male virgin goes off too soon, like I was saying to them, there's always round two.

Don't be surprised if they can't get off.  This is an odd one, but it's true: sometimes the nerves and the buildup are so much that even the most hot-to-trot virgin can't keep it up.  Keep at it.  Explore other things.  Make them feel good, even if you can't get them off.  They'll remember their first time inside you whether it was orgasmic or not, I promise, if you make it good for them.

And lastly, you should be grateful too.  They're giving you a gift.  Yes, there's too much baggage on that gift, but even without it, they've picked you to be their first.  And that's special.

Yeah, that's about it.  Any questions?  I'm on Twitter, email, and I would be on Facebook were it not for the fact that Facebook is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.  Please, drop me a line.  I'm dying to answer questions.