More Questions

Finally got around to stealing this from Spnk MeRed.

1. I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments. What do you choose?

   • Produce: Onions, so handy, I cook an onion practically every day. It's not sexy though.
   • Frozen: Something chocolate... or possibly some frozen vegetables because I'm boring.
   • Dairy: Milk
   • Meat: Bacon, ooh, delicious and horrible for you too.
   • Canned goods: Does hot sauce count?

2. Let's say you're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?

   Blouse, skirt, and depending on the weather, pants or shorts. All black. I can get along without undies if I have to. With those three things, I can make an appearance practically anywhere. In fact, I keep a set of blacks in my car at all times for pretty much that reason.

3. If I were to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

   • Various curse words (both for sexual and non-sexual reasons).
   • What's wrong with you (most often to my computer or to someone who has something wrong with them)?
   • As the midget said to Mae West (because by God I'm going to make that joke popular, and for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's like "That's what she said.").
   • I'm sorry (because I apologize a lot for things, even things which don't need apologies; it's a problem with me).

4. So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do them, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?

   • Pee, definitely.
   • Orgasm. Can't live without it.
   • Drink (not alcohol). I get parched easily and I've been known to pass out from dehydration if I'm not careful.
   • Sleep, because I don't get enough of it, so I'm nearly always not in the best mood I could be.

5. You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

   Tailgating me makes me slow down, way down, just to fuck with the person behind me until they give up and pass. But it's not exactly road rage. Basically, people can't drive, and sometimes it annoys me.

6. You just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

   Diddling (since there's nobody around, which kind of sucks actually), reading, writing, napping, watching a DVD. I wish I could say blogging, but that's not as high on the list of activities. I still love you all though.

7. We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

   I don't like zoos either, but if forced to go to one, I like to see cats of all kinds even though it makes me sad that they're in a zoo instead of roaming free, and then we can catch the reptile house and the bat cave, since both of them are indoors. Ha, fooled you, silly question!

8. You just scored tickets to the taping of any television show of your choice. You can pick any 4, so what are you going to see?

   I have no idea. I don't know if I'd want to see most TV shows be taped. It spoils the camerawork. But I guess I'd go see the Daily Show because I bet that's fun. After that, I'd like to see Futurama be taped live. Can you make that happen?

9. You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple-dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

   I'm not a big ice cream girl. Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate, the darkest, strongest chocolate you've got, I guess. I had Ghirardelli chocolate ice cream one time; a scoop of that, a scoop of the Häagen-Dazs chocolate that comes from the rain forest, and a scoop of Ben and Jerry's New York Super-Fudge Chunk... well, that would probably kill me, but at least I'd die happy. You are talking to a gal who once asked Dairy Queen to make her a brownie blizzard without the ice cream, just throw the brownies and fudge sauce in a cup. I had to use a bit of sex appeal, but I got it, damn it.

10. Somebody stole your purse/wallet. In order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it.

    License, emergency condom, emergency lube, car keys, library card. Oh, and the $1 million I always keep in my purse. *gasp* It's gone? But I always keep that much spare change in my purse! I'm calling the insurance company right now.

11. You are at a job fair, and are asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?

    Writer, director, sculptor, musician. Oh, just the whole Renaissance bit, really.

12. If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

    • Don't take that Summerstock job in a few years. It's specific, but I think it would probably have helped a lot. That job almost killed me. I'm pretty serious; it didn't threaten my life, but it almost killed my spirit.
    • Maybe you should reconsider college. But if you do go, take more advantage of it.
    • Take more math classes, you dink. I don't care if you don't like them. In fact, I'd like to go back to earlier and tell myself to take more music lessons and quit being such a stupid bitch, because if someone had forced me to take music lessons like some parents do, I could be a much better musician than I am now.
    • It's not so bad. I'm not going to get all Chicken Soup on myself, but I think I'd probably tell myself that it's not so bad.

I can think of some funny answers to the last question:

• It's not just a lump.
• He was lying about being gay.
• Get out while you still can.
• They come for you next January. There's nowhere you can hide.
• Everything you're thinking right now is wrong, you little high-school shit.
• Your fourth marriage is going to be the worst one. After seven, you go numb.
• One of your children becomes a genius. The other becomes an axe-murderer. You'll be surprised, I guarantee.

But those wouldn't be things I'd say except if I was funning myself. I am the type of person who would go back in time just to mess with my own past's mind.