TMI Friday

Because I'm tired after this week. It's been a week. Oh, and blame Hedone, just because I saw hers first.

This week's TMI Tuesday questions are on a subject near and dear to our hearts (and some other body parts, too). It's all about SEX!...Yes, again.

1. What is your sexual personality?

I'm a bit of a swing; I can be quite demanding and dominant, depending on how hard-up I am, or I can really just want to be taken. Sometimes when I'm the most desperate, I want to be ravaged rather than initiating. It depends on my mood too; sometimes I want to mark my territory, as it were, and sometimes I want to be marked. My adventurousness comes out at different times too. I guess my sexual personality is schizoid.

2. How many times have you sneaked away from party guests to have sex in another part of the party venue. Where did you sneak to? Were you ever caught?

Oh, I've done this plenty. I used to sneak out of parties my parents had at our house to go have sex with Mike. There's really nothing like the feeling of knowing that downstairs all the adults are just talking about normal PTA stuff, and you're upstairs with your brother's cock jammed in your ass. I'm not saying that risk is my favorite aphrodisiac, but it's a good one, and there's really nothing like it. But I've done it elsewhere too; hell, there are probably plenty of stories I've already told which would fall into this category. I've sneaked away for sexy fun times often enough that you'd think I would have gotten caught, but really, I've never been "caught" per se, although I've been walked in on.

3. Your sex partner that you are mad crazy for has requested you do one of the following, which one would you grant consent to do:

1. Bondage/light restraint with your hands, legs tied while having sex
2. A sexual spanking that leaves light marks
3. Record the two of you having sex
4. Have sex in a mirrored room where you can see yourselves having sex from every angle

I'd do any of those, although I might not do them for my own enjoyment. I'm just not that into spanking. But I could even enjoy that in the right circumstances.

4. Do you act out your sexual fantasies? Why?

Some of them. I think a line has to be drawn between fantasies that one would like to make reality, or a wish list, and fantasies which one wants to keep fantasy, like a list of fiction one likes to read. Getting things from a wish list is always fun. Getting things from fiction... well, I enjoyed The Hunger Games, but I don't want it to happen to me, no matter how romantic parts of it were. Just for instance.

5. How important is sex in your life?

Pretty damn important. Maybe too important sometimes. I don't mean that as a mark against sex; sometimes, it's not as important as other things.

Bonus: Finish the following phrase: "Sex is..."

Sex is a natural, enjoyable part of life that everyone takes entirely too seriously.

TMI Am Not Terribly Hardcore, Apparently

I'm eventually going to get bored with making plays on "TMI." I hope. Blame Advizor because I saw it there first. His answers are much better than mine.

1. Do you know how to pick a lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access?

No idea how to pick a lock. Well, actually, I have an idea of the theory of it, but if you gave me a set of professional lock picks and told me to go at it, I'd still be locked out next year. I'm not sure what I'd do with the skill if I had it; I'm not a super-spy or anything.

2. Do you know how to open a safe with a rotary combination lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access? What did you find?

I know how to open a rotary combination lock... sometimes. I don't know how to open one without the combination, which is probably the question being asked here. Again, not a yegg (which means safe-cracker for those of you who aren't from the 1930s) so I'm not sure what I'd do with the skill if I had it. I don't move in circles with a lot of safes anyway. It would have been handy when I was in high school and wanted to get into my locker when I forgot the combination though.

3. Have you ever made a copy of a key you were not supposed to have? Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? What were you looking for? Did you find it?

I made a copy of a key once that I wasn't authorized to do, but it wasn't exactly illicit; I just was sick of borrowing the key. And my derived access wasn't unauthorized, per se. It was just that maybe I could have kept using the key after I was supposed to, and maybe I wasn't supposed to have a copy, although I was allowed to have the key. I didn't do anything interesting with it though. Yay boring me!

4. Have you ever stolen or guessed a password? Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? What did you do?

Why would you steal or guess a password to gain authorized access? I've never done anything interesting in this category either.

5. Do you know how to get data from a computer that requires a password you don’t know?

Why yes I do. It's surprisingly easy to get data off a hard drive if people don't bother to encrypt it. Most people don't. But I've never used this skill for evil; actually, I've used it for good a number of times when computers have crashed. Boring boring boring.

6. Do you know how to record a telephone call? Have you ever done so secretly? Did you hear anything interesting?

I know how, but I've never done it because I don't care.

7. Have you ever used a webcam or nanny cam to photograph someone secretly?

Nope, although I've been the object of this particular illicit activity.

8. Have you ever used an infrared camera to photograph someone secretly in the dark?

Yeah, I can afford an infrared camera.

9. Have you ever learned anything important by deliberate eavesdropping?

Yes. Nothing exciting though. Well, nothing exciting enough to blog about.

10. Do you know how to hot-wire a car?

No. I know dick about cars.

Bonus: Have you ever been paid for your sexual skills? What skill(s) did you perform?

Why yes I have. I won't say it was the high point of my life, actually.

Okay, really boring. Why did I bother to answer these questions? I was once caught after quite an extended period of shoplifting food from the school cafeteria, a thing I still feel guilty about, and I've been pulled over a few times for various infractions. But I'm essentially a law-abiding person.

Less Intimate Discussion

Continuing in the same style (dialogue and in media res) but a different vein than the previous snippet of conversation (and apologies to anyone who either wanted to hear more about our fantasies or much, much less, and don't be ashamed to fall into either camp):

SVETA: How about a house?

LEXI: If I could afford one.

SVETA: City or country?

LEXI: Country. Well, small town, maybe even outskirts of a small city. But I couldn't live in New York, for instance.

SVETA: Not even to work on Broadway?

LEXI: If I were offered a job on Broadway, I might consider it. But really, being a technician on Broadway is just a higher stress job, not really that much cooler. Okay, a little cooler. But I like what I do. I just wish I got paid more.

SVETA: Me too.

LEXI: Yeah.

SVETA: But a house. Not an apartment.

LEXI: Isn't that the American dream?

SVETA: I thought the American dream was cultural hegemony.

LEXI: Look who's got the big ol' mouth on her.

SVETA: I had to look up how to spell it.

LEXI: Lies. You're in college; you're expected to talk like that.

SVETA: I've never lived in an apartment. It might be fun.

LEXI: Not really.

SVETA: Okay. But cheaper.

LEXI: If I could cover the down payment, I'd have a mortgage instead of rent.

[Here the conversation devolved into crap about the economy, which I don't get anyway.]

LEXI: So, I know I've asked this before, but now that you've had more experience, what's your favorite position?

SVETA: That was a smooth transition. I assume you're going to edit it so it seems seamless.

LEXI: Yeah. [Oh, I lied so much didn't I?]

SVETA: I like it from behind.

LEXI: Why?

SVETA: It feels best that way. I don't know.

LEXI: Fair choice. I'm sticking with my original answer, Alex.

SVETA: You're boring.

LEXI: Can I help that missionary is the best position?

SVETA: You're wrong too.

LEXI: Still want to try DP?

SVETA: Yeah. I mean, absolutely. The first time was... interesting. But I think I'm ready for it now.

LEXI: My first time was pretty intense too. I think I felt like I was going to split in two.

SVETA: I'm so glad we shared the same cocks our first time.

LEXI: Yeah.

[Pause for the sweetness of that moment to sink in.]

LEXI: How about whipped cream?

SVETA: Again with the non sequitors. You'll give them whiplash.

LEXI: So what.

SVETA: Whipped cream? On pie?

LEXI: Sure.

SVETA: Okay.

LEXI: No, you dope. I meant as a decoration. For your cute little pussy.

SVETA: Do you have some?

LEXI: I could get some.

SVETA: Throw in a cherry and you've got a deal.

[We never did get the whipped cream though.]

LEXI: What do you like in porn?

SVETA: Big breasts.

LEXI: Interesting. Mine aren't big enough?

SVETA: It's not what I want for you. I want big boobs in porn because they look good in porn. In real life, I like your breasts.

LEXI: I'm fond of yours too. So the lady has to have big knockers. What kind of action?

SVETA: Basic. Romantic if possible. I know it's fake; I just like to see a little passion. Nothing weird.

LEXI: Nothing weird? But that's half the fun of porn.

SVETA: I guess I'm not jaded with the basic stuff yet. I don't look at that much of it.

LEXI: Good. Best to keep it that way. Not that I hate porn, but it's better to dip in rather than become addicted.

SVETA: Speaking from experience?

LEXI: A little.

And there we'll leave this installment. Maybe more later. Who knows. I might get bored. Or I might actually find the emotional and mental energy to write something better. I'm just really tired at the moment.

Discuss Amongst Yourselves

Sveta and I recently had a rambling discussion in text about various different things, and after some cleaning and editing and so forth, it seemed like something worth posting. Maybe it isn't, but hey, you're getting it anyway. I know you'd rather have more pictures of Sveta's naked ass. Wouldn't we all? We'll start in media res, as it were, because the beginning was just sort of rambling and unfocused.

LEXI: So, how about marriage?

SVETA: To you?

LEXI: To anyone.

SVETA: I guess so. Not now, but I could see it.

LEXI: To me?

SVETA: Couldn't I marry your Dad?

LEXI: He's taken, and if he ever becomes polygamous, I'm next in line.

SVETA: You can't unless they legalize incestuous marriage too.

LEXI: You'd really want to marry my Dad?

SVETA: No, not really. I like having him as my Dad too much.

LEXI: So you don't want to marry me?

SVETA: Are we being serious?

LEXI: Not really.

SVETA: Would you marry me?

LEXI: I'd think seriously about it. I'm not sure I'm the marrying kind, but I might marry you. I love you enough.

SVETA: Aw, stop it. You'll make me blush.

LEXI: You're cute when you blush.

SVETA: How about kids? Do you ever want to have kids?

LEXI: Yes.

SVETA: You didn't think very long about that answer.

LEXI: You don't?

SVETA: I do.

LEXI: Really?

SVETA: Hell yeah. I'm kind of baby crazy right now. Thank goodness I'm not around anyone with babies or I might steal them.

LEXI: But you want one of your own, right? Not to adopt.

SVETA: Yeah.

LEXI: I have to admit, the thought of you pregnant really turns me on.

SVETA: Me too. {There is a pause while we both picture Sveta pregnant; feel free to join in if that turns you on] Who would you like to be the father, if we were married?

LEXI: You mean which of us should wear the pants?

SVETA: No, stupid. I mean who should the father be. I can't see you going for artificial insemination.

LEXI: No, even if I decided that some random guy should be the father, I'd want to receive the donation firsthand, if you know what I mean.

SVETA: Duh.

LEXI: Don't sass me, girl.

SVETA: So who?

LEXI: In the ideal world, either Dad or Mike, actually.

SVETA: Oh.

LEXI: Does that freak you out?

SVETA: No. [Giggles] I was going to say the same thing. Mostly Dad though.

LEXI: It'd be a bit easier for you.

SVETA: Do you think he'd go for it, if we asked him?

LEXI: Probably not with me, but with you, maybe. Mike would knock either of us up in a shot. He's into that too. He once got Sheri pregnant. Mom and Dad didn't really approve. But they might not mind if we wanted a baby and you were having it and it was Mike's.

SVETA: I like Mike, but I really wish it were your Dad.

LEXI: Aside from family though, I'd want to find someone right. Either that, or someone random. I'm not sure if I'd want to get pregnant by a friend who might feel guilty.

SVETA: God, now I'm picturing you pregnant. We could both be pregnant at the same time.

LEXI: No way; I want one of us to be sane if the other is going to go crazy with hormones. One at a time. Although both of us pregnant would be super hot.

SVETA: Yeah.

And there I'll leave it for the moment, because we moved on to other topics, which I might share later. Don't want to get too long-winded though. Marriage and children seem to go together; if I introduce popcorn flavors or favorite movies, it'd spoil the narrative flow.

Bet You

"Bet you won't."

"Bet I will."

"Won't."

"Will."

"Chicken."

"Oh yeah?"

I stalked back into the common room. "Hey, you, the cute one," I said commandingly. Several heads turned, saw I was pointing at the actual cute one, turned back. He looked around too.

"What?"

"Come here." I was in no mood to be trifled with. He did as I said. "Now, drop your pants." A few heads swiveled back again, drawn by the unmistakable sound of those words. He hesitated. "Come on, I have a bet."

At my school, "I have a bet," was basically your get-out-of-jail-free pass. Not that it would work on the administration or security, but if you said it to a fellow student, as long as you had a track record of telling the truth, they'd pretty much have to go along with you. And I had a track record of scrupulous honesty. Plus people knew that I wouldn't back down from a bet. Plus, and this may have been the biggest point in my favor, my bets tended to be of the sexual variety.

More heads swiveled, and a few hoots and hollers erupted as he dropped his pants, not without reluctance and a little self-consciousness. I knew his name, had spoken to him a few times, but not enough to warrant a proposition. Maybe he was afraid I was just going to point and laugh. I wasn't; his cock wasn't enormous, but it wasn't hard either. I aimed to change that.

The hoots grew louder as I began licking his cock, from the base up the shaft to the tip. Nerves may have kept him soft for a moment, but not for long, and pretty soon he was smiling in spite of himself, his head bobbing in and out of my mouth. The party had resumed around us; it wasn't that strange to have a bit of head going on at one of our parties. But some people were watching, jealous or turned on or both.

When he came, I gathered as much of it in my mouth as I could and grinned, then sauntered off. "Here," I said, giving Gwen a sloppy kiss and passing the cum to her, still warm and wriggling. "Told you," I said with a smirk.

She swallowed and grinned. "Bet you won't do it again... with the blonde guy in the corner there."

Random Fiction - No Billygoat Gruff

Grog lived under the bridge between two meadows, but unlike his cousin who had had an unfortunate run-in with goats some years back, Grog was cautious. He had the filthy pelts of numerous woodland creatures, magical and mundane, to prove it. But of late his larder was bare, probably because even stupid woodland creatures got wind of a troll under the bridge eventually.

So when Grog heard footsteps, he played it cool. No reason to scare off his dinner. When he finally peaked over the side, there was something he hadn't expected: a faerie, eyes closed, lip trembling. Grog couldn't help but notice that she was also totally naked, her wings sparkling in the late afternoon sun.

It had been a long time since Grog had seen a female troll, and while this faerie was much too clean, much too hairless, and much too slim to be truly attractive, Grog wasn't going to be choosy, not when this sort of opportunity dropped into his lap. He leaped out and grabbed her around the waist.

"Hoho," he said in his most menacing voice. "What have we here?"

"Please just do it and get it over with," whimpered the faerie, eyes still closed. "Please."

Grog was taken aback. "Nope, no tricks," he said. "I'm not listening."

"No tricks. Just do it."

Grog didn't even have to drag her back to his lair; she bent over in the grass and put her head down. What was going on?

But still, the sight of her pert backside made Grog hungry for things other than billygoats. His cock was enormous, as befitted a troll, and it rose to hardness immediately, so he tossed aside the filthy loincloth and gripped the sylph's slim hips, directing his trollhood into her tight, hot passage. He grunted and thrust, caring little for her comfort, but he could have sworn he heard her sigh with happiness.

Grog was cautious, but not when his cock was demanding release, not when a seemingly willing cunt was taking all he could throw at it. He thrust and thrust, and he didn't even notice when the sword point made its own thrust through his heart. He collapsed in a puddle of blood, and his last thought was wondering just what had happened.

"You could have let him finish," scowled the faerie, climbing from her knees and turning to look the hero in the eye.

"I hate sloppy seconds," said the hero, his pants already down, his own cock, hardly a troll's but still impressive, jutting out like his sword. "In fact, I think with all that pounding that the only thing worth fucking on you today will be your ass."

And the sylph was happy to oblige, even as she idly wished that her hero would occasionally let her feel the hot blasts of troll cum she craved.

TMI Love Hate Guilt

Yeah, so I'm a day late and more than a buck short. But what are you going to do?

1. Food

I love: a lot of foods, many of which I've discussed previously. Foods of all different cultures. Chocolate. Bacon. Red meat. I suppose that last one should be a guilty secret, but...

I hate: Lima beans. Pretty much hate Brussels sprouts too.

My guilty secret is: I don't like ice cream much. I'll eat it, but I don't really like it.

2. Apparel

I love: Sun dresses, cute blouses, underwear of all sorts.

I hate: Empire waistlines. Either you look like a little girl or pregnant or both, and while that might at first glance sound sexy, it isn't.

My guilty secret is: I like clothes that I say are trampy. Because I'm supposed to be classier than that. Except I like them, secretly.

3. Books

I love: Fantasy, some Sci-Fi, Russian lit, and a lot of other books.

I hate: Books on economics, modern American lit for the most part, and other scattered things, but I have a difficult time hating any broad category of books.

My guilty secret is: I read computer books for fun. Also, RPG books. I don't know why, but I hide those facts from everyone.

4. Songs

I love: Nirvana (and I'm saying just that because I like a lot of things and also because it was the anniversary the other day).

I hate: most music of the eighties, hipster crap.

My guilty secret is: I like a lot of hard rock/metal. Not everything. But things I'm slightly ashamed of liking.

5. Movies

I love: Many things. Too many to list.

I hate: Also many things. Judd Apatow comes to mind (yep, that's right, I said it). Also, lousy adaptations of the books of my childhood.

My guilty secret is: I like crappy comedies. Not "good" crappy comedies, but the terrible ones. I actually enjoyed You Don't Mess With the Zohan. God help me.

6. TV Shows

I love: Futurama, South Park, the Simpsons up to a point, The Brak Show, Squidbillies... basically, a lot of comedy animation.

I hate: The Office. Reality TV shows. A lot of other shows.

My guilty secret is: I'm not particularly guilty about it, but I do watch a number of terrible Sci-Fi (no, wait, now it's SyFy) Channel shows.

7. Celebrity Crush

I love: Hugh Jackman. Off the top of my head.

I hate: Jim Carrey (although I liked him in The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the most part).

My guilty secret is: I would fuck Keanu Reeves' brains out if he asked me. He's an awful actor, but I'd still fuck him. I don't have a crush on him, and I wouldn't go out of my way, but if the opportunity arose... so if he's reading this, give me a call.

8. Music Group

I love: Nirvana (again).

I hate: many acts.

My guilty secret is: Twisted Sister's Christmas album is the greatest thing ever.

9. Sports Team

I love: I don't love sports teams. I'm a fan of a few of them, mostly for no good reason.

I hate: Texas teams. Sorry folks from Texas, it's like the family religion. Also, Boston teams. Basketball teams in general, March Madness in particular. Golf. The Yankees (family religion again). Sports fans who can't get a grip and realize that it's just a goddamn game.

My guilty secret is: I do watch sports. I guess that's a guilty secret for me.

Bonus: Sex Position or Sex Act or fetish

I love: Penetration, creampies, anal.

I hate: Ass-to-mouth, analingus of any sort, being called names during the act.

My guilty secret is: rape fantasies and various other dark things actually turn me on, though I don't want them to.

There you have it.