Phone Sex

I am at a bit of a loose end at the moment, and a computer is free, and so here I am, wasting my life.

I may or may not have said this in the past, but I'm not into phone sex. I don't mean calling up some hot-line and getting a bored housewife who goes through a script phone sex. I'm talking about phone sex between even me and a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, I'll talk dirty on the phone to some people, but it doesn't get me off. Well, if I really work at it, it can, but I don't enjoy it. As much.

So when I used to have time to chat, people would always ask me if I wanted to phone, and I always said no. Now, of course, my excuse about not wanting to be called because I've had bad experiences with that kind of thing isn't valid, because now they've got voice chat. But it still doesn't do it for me, although people don't seem to believe me. The sound isn't that important. I've pissed some people off by saying that, but it's the truth.

But yesterday, I had awesome, bone-shattering phone sex with Sheri. It wasn't the way some people like to do it, with the descriptions and the realism. She basically called me up and told me what she wanted me to do. I was in the middle of working on something, but she said that I would just have to drop everything and get off. We did some very naughty things together. She had me strip down and then get in the bathtub and pee all over myself. Yes, that's right. Then she told me to taste it, which I've done, so I did. It tasted about the same as it always does, not the greatest taste in the world, but not unpleasant. She said she was going to piss in a cup and taste hers, and then I heard her doing it.

Then she told me to stick various things up my cunt, and tickle myself, and just ordered me around for an hour. I came twice, both nice long Os. Then she said that she knew I had to go, and just hung up. It was crazy. We'd never really done anything like that before.

But it was what I needed, I guess. I do like to be submissive sometimes, and while Dad and I do some of that, it's not particularly adventurous. When Mike was around, he'd make me do shit like that.

Anyway, I haven't changed my mind about phone sex. Most of it is lousy anyway. But it was crazy to spend an afternoon being ordered around on the phone. Sheri said she wanted to do it again, but with someone else too. I told her I didn't know anyone, and she said I should find someone and she would too, and then we could call each other while we were fucking our special someone. And I wondered about Sveta. I wouldn't have to tell her that it was my sister on the phone. I wonder how she'd react. I wonder if I could trust Sheri to keep her mouth shut.

Fuck, I don't know. I need to stop wondering and work again.

Barack Obama Doesn't Love Me

Not that I particularly expected him to. No, I'm not one of those women who thinks he's hot. He wouldn't make my top ten list, not that it's a bad thing.

Just wanted to tell everyone that, no, Barack Obama is not going to be socially liberal. I will not be able to come out in the open. People really need to get their stories straight anyway: if he's a secret Muslim, he can't also be a social liberal. If he wants to legalize bestiality, then he's not going to be doing it by instituting Sharia. It's not that tough.

I didn't support him because he was socially liberal. I supported him because he was the better choice. I don't completely agree with him, but I also understand that the chances of some of my points of view being popular in this country are slim to nil. So stop telling me that now that Black Osama is president, I can be a perverted heathen in peace. Because it's just not true.

Done venting now.

But if he and his wife wanted to come over and have a little threesome with me, I would dig it all the way to China. Because she's hot. Hell, Cindy McCain is hot, from an older woman point of view. And even though Sarah Palin is evil, she too is fuckable. Yes Sarah, pull the stick out of your ass and bring your daughters with you, and I'll show you a thing or two. Hell, your husband isn't that bad either.

There's the solution. Bipartisan orgies. If you're fucking them, you can't think they're as evil, can you? Wait, yes you can. Never mind. Still, C-SPAN would be a lot more interesting.

Going From Bad To Worse

As thrilled as I am that we've got a semi-liberal in the White House again, I wonder just how liberal he really is, especially on social issues. So no, I'm not thinking that the Obama administration is going to make it a priority to address incest as an issue. I wish they'd do more about gay marriage though, because my sister and her lover have been together long enough now that they should get to marry, if they want. Fucking bigots. I'm sorry if you believe differently, but you're wrong, plain and simple. I don't think marriage is for everyone, but if you want to do it, you should be able to do it, no matter who you love.

Anyway, I'm not even looking for Obama to tackle social issues at all, because the economy and health care are way, way bigger issues for me right now. See, while I try my hardest to make contributions to the family income, I'm the low end of the totem pole in that regard. My dad shoulders most of the financial burden for the family. But now his business is going under, or if not under, it's going really badly, to the point that he's spending a lot of time home because he's got nowhere else to be. And we're having to cut back on all sorts of frills. And my earning potential is getting lower and lower, so that doesn't help either.

In one way, it's great for me, because Dad is home a lot, and so am I, and therefore we can use each other for stress relief. I've been keeping really bizarre hours lately, but even if I wasn't, I could still avail myself of some fatherly love almost every day. In fact, I just finished up a morning session in the shower with Dad, and cum is leaking into my panties as we speak. We've slept together a few nights too, wrapped in each other's arms, warm and naked and cuddling. Falling asleep in the afterglow is a great way to cure insomnia. Wearing yourself out being fucked by the man you love is good too. Well, not "the" man, but one of the men, certainly.

But in pretty much every other way, it sucks dirty goat balls. We're all worried about work and money and everything. Mom's going to have to get a job too, and I'm under pressure to keep working as well, no matter if I hate the job or not. And I've got an offer of housing from Sheri, who has jobs where she's living, and not having to worry about rent and apartment-hunting is very tempting. I don't know if I can do it; I hate moving. But I may have to.

On the plus side of the equation (well, the grand equation of my life, not specifically related to the current economic realities) are Sveta, with whom I think I may be in love, and Kate, whose house is like a vacation for me now. Sveta first: we make love fairly regularly, and she spends the night almost every weekend, but we spend a lot of time just cuddling and feeling safe with each other. The relationship has moved beyond sexual. I'm not ready for monogamy, and I've explained to her that I do have other partners, but they're all different than she is. I'm probably taking advantage of her a little, and I wish she could have another partner as well, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about it. But she's love-starved, and I love her and she loves me, and so the relationship works. She can come to me when she's feeling bad, and we cheer each other up. It's not that we're bored with the physical stuff, it's just that we're more than fuck-buddies at this point. Who knows what will happen.

As for Kate, I wanted to tell the long version, but I don't think I'll be able to, so instead I'll bring you up to speed. I was trying my orgasm-fast, as you'll recall, and then the stress got to me, and basically by the time that whole thing was done and I talked to Kate again, I was past being upset. It was either take them up on their offer or go out looking for someone else. I nearly called James to see when he would be in town, I was that stressed out. I'm more stressed now, but it's a long-haul-type stress, rather than a short spasm, so I handle it differently.

Anyway, they were glad to have me back, said they'd put the kids to bed and I could come over whenever I wanted. So I went over, and had some fun. Roger said he wanted to watch, I think perhaps because they expected me to be spooked by the whole thing and didn't want to crowd me. I would have been happier if he'd just joined in, but I let him have whatever it was he had. He sat in a chair in the bedroom, naked and stroking a cock which was larger than I expected, given Kate's shallow cunt. She and I undressed each other, and both got into the show aspect of things, and then before we even got down to anything stronger than kissing, Roger started making noise and came all over the floor. He told us to keep going, that he was sorry to interrupt. Kate told me later on that he usually was fairly quick, although if he got stoned sufficiently he could last longer.

Anyway, he managed to get it back up at some point before I gave his wife a shuddering orgasm, because he was stroking again when she laid me back on the bed and began her ministrations. She's much rougher than Sveta, and it's not love that's between us, but it's still enjoyable. Roger asked if he could come over and look closer, and when he came, I told him he could cum on me if he wanted. I was trying to give him a hint, but there was no cock, quick or otherwise, for Lexi that evening. After Kate finished me off she licked up her husband's cum from my stomach and then kissed me and asked if I wanted to spend the night. I was tired and still stressed, but I wanted to get home on the off-hand chance that Dad might be available, because I wanted a good fuck. Sadly, he wasn't, so I got nadda.

But the next time I came over, I practically told Roger he should join in, and I spent the night afterward. That first time, he only fucked his wife while I licked her cunt and his cock, but he pulled out and gave me a mouthful of cum. I tried to get him to fuck me too, but he said he wasn't up for it. So I let Kate finish me again. But I did spend the night, because Dad was away and I wanted to sleep in their bed with them. We snuggled together and it was pleasant, especially when they both were kissing and playing with me. I almost convinced Roger to fuck me, but we were all sleepy.

In the morning, we were awakened by Kevin, their younger son. I was too groggy to realize the implications, because he didn't seem to mind that there were three of us, naked and holding each other, in the bed. Kate got up to see to him, and I snuggled back against Roger and went back to sleep for a little while. Later on, after I had gotten up and eaten breakfast, it hit me that neither of the kids wondered at me being there, or eating breakfast with them, or anything. Liam stared at me, but it wasn't a shocked stare. If I'm the first woman they've had over like this, and I believe them that I am, I wonder what's up with the kids? I mean, in my family, things would be different, but I don't know what's going on in this family.

Anyway, since that night, I've been over twice more, and Roger has fucked me on both those occasions. He likes to pull out and cum on me, so he can watch Kate lick it up. In fact, he does the same thing with Kate, and I am perfectly happy to clean up too. It's pedestrian, really; we seem to always do the same sorts of things. But we have watched my videos, and they're hard for me to watch, for some reason. Not because they remind me of betrayal, I just don't seem that attractive in them. I don't know, self-esteem problems maybe.

And it's also true that Roger handles better when he's good and stoned; he and Kate smoked up the last night I was there. But the bad part is that Roger can go for longer, but after he does, he's done for the evening. He's not the ideal lover; I can see why she'd want someone else. I mean, he's an okay guy, probably a good father, but he's hardly Adonis in the sack.

Anyway, that about covers that hanging topic. Eventually, I'm sure I can talk them into something more exotic, maybe get Roger to fuck my ass, since I'm jonesing for a cock up there. But now I really have to go, so thanks to everyone who's sent well-wishes, and I'm trying to return to a semi-normal schedule, even with no computer of my own. But I make no promises.

Blowing Off Steam

I'm in hell right now. Bad enough that I don't have a computer to speak of, but I'm doing three different things at once, none of which are exactly low-stress. So I've been hitting my Dad up as often as I can, and calling Sveta over for booty calls even though she's trying hard to do well in school so she can get into a good college, and I've been over to Kate's place once or twice too. I'm stressed, and when I get stressed, I need something to take my mind off it, so I get horny too. I know, many people get stressed and then can't perform, but for me, it's like watching a TV show to unwind.

Dad isn't complaining, lord no, but he's only available at certain times, and a lot of times, I'm not available then. We try to fit in once a day, if we can. I wish my brother were here. But with the world crumbling, he's got lots of interesting things to do with stocks and economies and businesses, not to mention college. I hope he gets rich, rather than the other way around. I can't deal with the economy, which would simply add another layer of worry to me, so I'm trying hard not to think about it.

I really wish I had someone to fuck my ass. It's been months, or at least it feels like it's been months. Probably not. Possibly month, singular. But Dad's not interested, and Sveta doesn't have the requisite equipment, and other outlets aren't open for that. I think the last time I had a good cock in my ass was when my brother stopped by on the way back to college. He'll be graduating soon enough; maybe I'll move in with him. We could pretend.

If I ever swing it, and my computer problems are resolved, I'll get my Dad to write something for you all. That would be fun. He's not computer-illiterate, but he's not a child of the WWW, certainly. He doesn't use the Internet for anything but business, which consists mostly of emails and the occasional looking up of some spec. So he doesn't blog, and I'm not sure he understands why someone would waste her time doing it. But he might write something. I don't know how dirty it would be. It might be a love letter to me. Who knows?

But I have gotten him okay with fucking me while I have something in my ass. It's not like he wouldn't do it before, but he was never into it. Now, he'll do it every day if I want, which I usually do. I haven't convinced him that it's even more fun if he uses the toy to fuck my ass, not just to take up space. I'm not sure how far I can press it. The issue, I mean, not the toy. So I've used some vibes, but they're not as good in the ass as I'd like. I need bigger ones, I guess. His pounding tends to distract me from any small sensations elsewhere.

Sveta and I have upgraded to various toys, and she's trying to work up the nerve to move into boys again as well. I told her it didn't have to be "as well," and that if she wanted to graduate from the school of Lexi maxima cum laude (puns intended) and move back into strictly hetero pursuits, I would give her a send-off with flying colors, and by happy for her. But she's interested in continuing our current arrangement, as well as adding a male presence to her life, and possibly her cunt or ass or both. We've even pillow-talked about sharing a man again. But she's still very hurt and shy and all that jazz, so it may be a while. She'll probably go off to college and forget all about me.

But for now, she's been sleeping over more than she should. She's still not totally aware of my life, but she seems to sense that my parents aren't hard-asses about who shares my bed. She really is desperate for affection and love, as well as sex, so it feels good to curl up in bed with her, for both of us. And there are signs of certain suspicions she might have, but I can't go into them right now because I'm running out of time as it is. My father certainly doesn't object to the presence of a cute young thing in his house besides me (and Mom, love ya Mom). He loves to get me to talk about her while he's fucking me. He'd do her in a heartbeat, I think.

And Kate... well, that's a longer story. Suffice to say that I've been over there, and I don't want to spoil the story by telling it quickly, but on the other hand, I don't want to leave it hanging. It's not a regular thing, but she and I and Roger are... getting acquainted. So there's promise for things.

And I'm still getting into pretty dark territory, fantasy-wise. For instance, I looked at some scat porn, and while I still don't find shit appealing, watching those women take a shit was... arousing, surprisingly so. I didn't find the shit arousing, it was their asses while they were shitting. Eating it or smearing in on themselves: disgusting. But just like watching someone pee, it has a fascination. I don't want anyone to shit on me, or to shit on anyone, but I would let someone watch me take a shit, if they wanted to. I never thought I would feel this way about it.

And there's other things, and memories I have and wishes I have, and it's all kind of muddled up. Not having to do with incest, but other things. I don't know what to say. I'm getting interested in lost innocence, for one thing. But I don't think it's because of some deep psychological scarring due to my upbringing; it's just kink that I'd never really explored. I don't know how comfortable I am with it; some of it is things that are certainly illegal, if not immoral. But it's fantasy. I don't want to do any of it in real life. I don't think.

Anyway, thanks for all the kind thoughts people have sent, and rest assured, the moment my situation changes, I'll let everyone know.

Ah, the Economy

Still doing this not-my-computer thing. I have access, but I can't spend all sorts of time posting, because my access isn't my computer. Woo-hoo.

Due to the current economic climate, my money isn't being spent on a new computer yet. When it does, you'll be the first to know. I lost some stuff during the crash, too, so there'll need to be some rescanning of pictures, etc.

But not having to be on a public computer any more means I can tell you all that my fast ended rather quickly. I went for maybe 6 days without so much as an orgasm, and by the end of it, I was jonesing hardcore. The night my computer broke, I was so stressed out that I pulled out a home video and made myself cum, because I just couldn't take the pressure.

Then I was pretty good for a week or so, only masturbating once a day, trying to get it done quickly, like I needed a fix. Which, I suppose, is more worrisome than not being able to go without at all. But I was trying.

Then I decided that cumming wasn't as enjoyable if I tried to do it quickly to get it over with. Which is pretty much obvious. But I did come to the conclusion that my leisure activities have to be more regimented, so if I have an hour to kill, I need to kill it either by watching something or cumming, but not to view sex and leisure as two separate draws on my time. I need to watch less television, or rather DVDs, so it seemed like a good plan.

Then I just lost it. I am under a certain amount of stress right now, which I won't waste time going into. But I just needed the stress relief. Some people eat. I fuck. When I get the chance, I'll tell you exactly what I mean, but suffice to say that I'm now probably having sex more often than I was, with more people. Dad was my first after I fell off the wagon, and he and I have been fucking like rabbits.

I've also found myself being drawn to stranger and stranger things. Things which I never found arousing before, now I find arousing. Some things which worry me a little. I'm trying to be legal and moral, but there's a dark side of my brain, which somehow is being let out more and more frequently.

I've seen my brother, and I hope to see Mari soon. And of course, there's Sveta. And Kate. And I'm just busting to tell all these stories, but I can't, because I have to go now.

Keep the faith. I shall return. Or maybe I should say, "I shall cum again." Have, actually. Many times. I'm weak.

If you've sent emails or comments or questions, I will try to get to them as soon as I can. I haven't forgotten you. I've just been waylaid.

I'm Still Alive

Still alive, pretty busy, without a computer to speak of. I hope that within a month I'll be able to change that situation, but for right now, I'm still out of contact. Just letting everyone know.

Not Going Well At All

Sorry guys, it's been a tough bunch of time.

My computer is dead, which means I'm typing this on a public computer, which means I can't talk about much of anything. Let's just say that my little experiment lasted longer than I expected, but I broke down when my computer broke because I was stressed out. First with myself, and then that sort of opened the floodgates. But I am more conscious of the time I spend, which means that I now no longer take as much time in the day doing things I'd really like to spend my life doing. Not a bad thing. I don't speed it up, I just realize that it's a leisure activity, and if I do that, I can't also waste time doing something else. It's helped me prioritize.

I don't know how my updating will fare while I try to get my computer situation sorted out. Probably not terribly well. Thanks to everyone who has written giving encouragement, and know that I will probably try some mini-fasts in the future. Maybe a couple of days here and there, or maybe cutting back a lot and seeing if I can completely wean myself rather than going cold turkey all at once.

No, I'm not giving it up. I'm just trying to control it rather than it controlling me.

I have to go, public computers suck. But don't worry, even if I have a hiatus here, I'll be back as soon as I can.