Head

I said in the last post that I missed giving head for the sake of it, and that's true. I'm not sure why, and I'm not totally sure when I stopped doing it as much. Maybe because I enjoy penetration and creampies so much, I stopped blowing guys just to give them a blowjob, but did it to get them ready to fuck me. Most recently, Dad has required a certain amount of oral action to get it up at all, and I'm not going to waste my dad's erection. I don't know.

And now I'm not sure I can get back into it. Part of the reason is the above; I don't want to waste an orgasm on anything but my cunt. That's brutal economics here. Plus, I have fewer opportunities to just give someone a meaningless blowjob. Usually, if I'm going to blow somebody these days, I'm invested enough in it that I want to fuck them.

I may not miss blowjobs as much as I miss the titillation of random blowjobs. Not totally random, but blowjobs which were just spur-of-the-moment, with guys who were pretty much strangers. Not that I'm some kind of blowjob fairy or anything, but I did give a few blowjobs to guys in my day.

When I was young, that was pretty much the only way to get play from most guys. It was almost expected in my school; you went on a date, if you liked the guy you might give him a handjob, if you really liked him and wanted to see him again you gave him head, or (and this doesn't make me proud, but it's true) you gave him head because you wanted him to like you because he was popular, or because he could do something for you. Yes, high schoolers trade sex for favors. It's not pleasant. In my case, it wasn't as bad because I didn't really view sex as some big deal, but for other girls, it really messed them up.

Also, nobody fucked on the first date. Maybe Sheri (I love her, but she was widely regarded as the school bicycle) but not even me. There were rules. Unwritten, confusing, and contradictory, but you were really loose if you gave up the poonanner on the first date. But if you wanted to fuck, you'd have to blow the guy on the first date, unless he was a total loser.

It's making me slightly annoyed to talk about this, because I really hate high school and I find the whole thing ridiculous. But even I, iconoclast though I was, had to follow some rules because the guys followed them. Even if I were just trying to steal a guy away from some popular bitch to prove a point or make her miserable (not proud, but it happened once) I still had to abide by some rules.

And of course, in middle school, boys didn't have sex. I might be able to get a boy to let me touch his cock, but he wasn't about to fuck me, mostly because most boys that age, at least in my school, hadn't the first idea of what to actually do. I'm pretty sure they would have tried to fuck my belly button, given the chance. But I could get blowjobs out of them sometimes.

And, let's be honest, sometimes I would give head because I was just being friendly. Like I said, it didn't matter that much to me. I didn't feel dirty about it; it was something I did, like kissing. Not for everyone, but it was friendly.

In college, I had a tougher time. I know that sometimes I make my college experience out to be some wild party, and it wasn't, but it also was a tough time in my life. I was rebelling against things, I was doing really stupid things, I was basically not giving a shit. And I wasn't even doing it in a structured way, the way Sheri does it. She's wild and crazy, but she's not doing it to run from something. She likes doing things, and she doesn't care about propriety, but it's not unhealthy for her, at least not as unhealthy as it was for me.

So yes, I gave anonymous blowjobs. Not glory hole, but I would meet a guy at a party, take him to a quiet place, and suck him off for no reason other than that I wanted to taste his cum right then. And then I might never see him again, or at least not see him socially. And the strange part is, I miss that. Maybe I'm feeling depressed about life again. Or maybe it's just the thrill of it.

I've never been that into bukkakke, but I do like a circle of cocks, waiting to be sucked. Not that it was a regular occurrence, but it happened a few times when parties got drunk enough. I remember staggering home one night, reeking of sweat, vodka, and jism, and only later realizing that I didn't have any clothes on. I hadn't fucked anyone, but I guess I didn't want to make a mess. My tits were covered in cum. I'm pretty sure that at least five guys had let me suck them off onto my chest, and I know that there was a cheering section. And despite that being a really, really bad idea and self-destructive and all that, I think about it and get turned on.

I like the taste of cum. I always have. I still think that I could have happily sucked Dad off even before I was allowed to have sex, and it might have made the waiting more bearable. But as the years went by, I just liked cum inside me more and more, to the point where that's pretty much all I want now.

I guess it's like erogenous zones though. Foreplay can't just be about tits and pussy. If you concentrate on one pleasure center, eventually you'll wear it out. So I think that I'll enjoy blowjobs more. Maybe give more of them to people I'm not planning on fucking. Just be friendly.

This was a ramble through various things, not all of them completely pleasant, but thanks for sticking with me, if you did.