Tuesday, July 20, 2021

TMI Either Or

Pancakes or waffles?

Slight edge to waffles because I don't get them anywhere near as often. I like both Belgian and regular. But pancakes are good too, and they're incredibly easy to throw together. I've made pancakes with just flour, baking powder, and water and they were fine.

Steak or Lobster?

Steak. Lobster is overrated. It's good, but it used to be garbage food fed to prisoners, and if it still cost next to nothing I'd probably be much more interested in eating it. I just don't get the mystique. It's overgrown crawdad.

Freckles or dimples?

Dimples by a nose. They're cute. I have freckles though, so I may be biased against the mundane here.

Board games or video games?

Board games by a country mile. I'm terrible at video games. I wish I could get someone to play board games with me, but I can't, so I usually wind up playing video games and sucking at them and being miserable.

Dress up or dress down?

There are two ways to interpret this question. The bland answer is that while I spend much of my life dressing down, I love to dress up.

The exciting answer is about the logistics of wearing a dress when access to the goods is required. And I think a case can be made for both. I love it when a guy puts a hand up my dress, or flips the back of my dress up to pull down my panties and fuck me. But the tits, there's the rub. So it's best to pull the top of the dress down for better access to the twins, while pulling the bottom of the dress up for penetration. There really is nothing like a good, messy fuck with your panties around one ankle, dress hiked up to expose your ass, him pounding away from behind into your cunt (or asshole, I'm easy) with the zipper of his jeans poking you with every thrust. That little bit of pain every time just adds a slight frisson to the act. And depending on the dress, he can pin your arms to your sides by pulling it down so he can press your bare breasts into the wall.

I haven't had this in forever. I might have to seek it out.

Backseat of car or kitchen counter? (Of course I’m talking about a spontaneous place to have sex)

In my decrepit state of age, comfort is better than speed, and the back seat of a car is not a comfortable place to get laid. Sometimes it's exciting, but it's not comfortable, especially for a tall girl. So I'm going with kitchen counter, because wearing nothing but an apron while being bent over the counter is a great way to pass the time while waiting for the roast to be done.

Nipple clamps or handcuffs? Tell us why you chose your particular sexual encounter enhancement?

My nipples are sensitive buds which don't care for a lot of pressure, so handcuffs all the way. A little light bondage is fine sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm entirely in my partner's control. However, it's important that the handcuffs be easy-open, because there are too many horror stories about losing keys in the heat of the moment.

Well, that got a little steamy, so let's launch right into some questions which are more raunchy.

Tell us two reasons why you would stay in a bad relationship.

Sunk cost fallacy, or feeling like if I left them they wouldn't survive it. I've done both. Turns out sometimes you've just got to let things go if they weren't meant to be.

Do you wish your private life was kinkier?

Over the past year Sveta and I had a bit of time to try some things, so I think we're doing okay in the kink department, but there's always room for improvement.

Tell us about your weirdest sexual experience.

Superlatives like this are hard. I've told plenty of weird sex stories in the past, but maybe I can dredge up another.

Okay, one time a girl wanted me to fist her. No big deal, I've done it even if I don't personally get fisted often. I explained that to her and she said she didn't want to do it to me, but apparently the only way she could get off was with something enormous in her cunt, and that usually meant that her lady friends fisted her.

The weird part was that her clit was so sensitive that I couldn't even breathe on it or she'd be in pain. So I'm wrist-deep in her and she's urging me on, telling me to basically punch her in the cervix, to run all my fingers hard into the upper wall of her pussy, but the exposed area, I can't even look at without her wincing. That was odd enough. Then, at the height of her arousal, as she was getting ready to crest that summit and come crashing down, her clit is huge and red and practically throbbing, and she basically screamed, "I'm gonna motherfucking cum so hard!" and then slapped her clit.

And it was like she flicked a switch from normal arousal to seizure. She just went totally tense, her back arched, and her pelvis thrust up like I was pulling her up with my arm inside her, and she made this tiny whimpering noise and vibrated for what felt like an eternity but was probably more like five seconds, then her whole body went limp and I found my hand so deep in her that her labia were halfway up my arm.

I thought she was dead for a second, then she moaned, "Please Lexi, again." So I went back to feeling like I was really hurting her, but eventually I kind of got into it. She was making all kinds of noises, and I could feel the nub of her cervix and she liked it when I felt it, and when her hips started bucking a little I started moving my arm with them until I really was kind of pulling her ass off the bed by fisting her cunt.

Then she breathlessly begged me to rub her clit, which was swollen to almost purple, and she screamed when I did and did the whole tense-relax thing again, but this time I was ready so I kept solid pressure inside and out and she didn't shy away from it but just tensed and relaxed another few times, then finally collapsed and fell asleep.

I did not get mine from her, and I had to rub one out for myself and then, since she showed no signs of waking up, tuck her into bed and leave her apartment. My arm hurt like I'd been lifting weights, which I guess I was. My bicep in particular hurt like hell. But it certainly was an experience. And she later told me that it was the best orgasm she'd ever had, and wanted me to do it again, but it never worked out, so I have no idea whether she could give anywhere near as good as she received.

Can you have a totally hands-free orgasm?

I can cum from just being fucked, so yes. I can also cum without my hands through the cunning use of another person's lips, so yes. I can also cum by the application of a vibratory apparatus to my nethers, so yes. But hands help, most times.

What tips can you give for staying hard (you personally or keeping your partner hard)? 

If they're losing texture during the act, there might well be something psychological going on, or even something physical. But if we're just talking about keeping my partner hard for an extended period of edging or something, without getting them to go off, oral is my go-to. I can vary the sensation sufficiently to keep a partner from cumming while keeping them at the ready. Unless they're not into it, licking balls, asshole, taint, or even just the base of the cock can help prolong the inevitable while keeping the blood where it needs to be.

Do you have a special place you like to have sex regularly?

My parents' bed. My bed. Leaving aside those obvious answers, I like to have sex in theaters.

Are you annoying?

In bed? I try not to be.

A person whom you’ve had “the hots” for a very long time tells you they are super attracted to you. You spend a few hours together and the sexual attraction is overwhelming. You are dying to have this person as your lover. At the moment you are highly aroused, and he/she wants to have sex with you in a church, would you do it?

Oh my god in a heartbeat. That would make it better. Sacrilegious I know, but I still have, "fuck in a church" on my naughty Catholic schoolgirl bucket list.

While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?

It wouldn't have to be the best. I might giggle a little, but I do that anyway.

Are you good in bed?

I flatter myself to think that I'm pretty good in bed. I've not had many complaints.

Ask questions, sexy or otherwise, in the comments, or via email (lexinaughtygirly[AT]gmail.com).

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