I'm going to go a bit philosophical because I've got nothing else going for me today. Only a bit.
It seems to me that people are too focused on certain things sexual. And this is not necessarily a good thing. Consider: if your whole sexual routine always involves nothing but the head of the cock, the clit, the nipples, and maybe some light kissing, you're missing out. Seriously missing out. So if we can branch out physically, why can't we branch out psychologically as well.
For one, everyone goes for passion. Everyone wants passion. And I'm not saying that passion is necessarily a bad thing. But sometimes, sex can be joyful. What's the difference? I'm not totally sure, but there is one; possibly that passion is but one aspect of joy. Let's just say that I've had passionate sex with people about whom I couldn't have given less of a shit personally. Passion is physical connectedness. It's easier to come by, at least in my experience. And I do love a hard, fast, teeth-rattling, bone-shaking, oh-dear-God-my-cunt-is-on-fire-type sexual experience. I love passion.
But passion is only one aspect of sex. There's also playfulness. I was speaking with a friend recently about playful sex, and I confessed that I love to giggle while I'm making love. I like to get a bit silly sometimes, with the right partner who doesn't mind getting a bit silly too. I think it stems from my childhood, from the fact that I had a stage in my sexual development where sex was just like any other play. It didn't have to be perfect, it didn't have to be anything but fun and experimenting. I think people can even take "experimenting" too seriously, like they're forced to experiment, like they worry that if they don't, sex will stop being any good.
There's also tenderness. Sex doesn't always have to be intense. Sometimes, it can be good just to be with someone close, feel them against your body, not even worrying about whether it's sex or just cuddling. It doesn't have to be romantic love to be tender, either. I've had sex with friends while sitting around a fire in the winter with nowhere to go, nothing to do, just time to sit there and make love, but they were friends, not romances. I don't know where you draw the line there, but again, I think there is one, and both sides of the line can have tender moments. Sometimes you just want a friend with a shoulder to cry on.
And that leads me to sad sex. I've had tragic sex, where we knew we were leaving, where this was probably goodbye. I had some of that last night, actually. It's like a goodbye kiss; joy and sorrow all wrapped into one. Sometimes it's crying, and sometimes it's just an empty ache that you're trying to fill but you can't. Some of my most meaningful times with people have been at the end. I'm not sure that's a good thing, but it's not to be discounted. It doesn't always have to be fierce either; sometimes sad sex is soft and heavy like an old quilt, sometimes it's almost as if you're already separated even though your bodies are still together, and you're reaching out to each other through the distance.
The other side of that coin is reunion sex. This can, of course, be quite passionate, but sometimes it's like that first hug after you're back together. I often think the passion of reunion sex comes from the fact that you missed the sex more than you missed the person (that sounds a bit nasty, and I'm not saying I don't miss the sex), so when you miss the person more than the sex, sex is just a way of saying how much you missed the person. It has a different vibe to it.
I could keep enumerating different types of sex, but it all boils down to the idea that sex should be more than just raw passion and desire. Sex should be joy. I think pornography teaches us wrongly in this regard; most good porn is passionate, sometimes even loving, but seldom joyous, at least to my mind. Amateur porn tends to be made by people who have the idea that porn should be passion, and sometimes it winds up being really unintentionally silly.
But sometimes, you get a sense of joy. And I encourage everyone to have fun with sex, come to it with joy in your heart, and I bet you'll find yourself enjoying it more. It shouldn't be a chore, it shouldn't be a necessity, it should be a joy.
In that spirit, here are four videos, all of the same couple, that I've been sitting on for a while. I think they're pretty joyful, and they feature people who look real and who are obviously enjoying themselves, but not pretending that they're doing something deeper than having a good time. There's passion there, but also some silliness, and I think they're sexy as hell.
http://www.xvideos.com/video403801/naughty_busty_gf_part_1_4_
http://www.xvideos.com/video403820/naughty_busty_gf_part_2_4_
http://www.xvideos.com/video403836/naughty_busty_gf_part_3_4_
http://www.xvideos.com/video403852/naughty_busty_gf_part_4_4_
Enjoy. Laugh. Love. Don't drop passion, just add something to it. Want the person, not the act. Discover your joy.
Yes, I am only doing this because I'm a bit down today. You're lucky I'm not writing my FFF today, I guess.
5 comments:
Well said, Lexi! It's a very good thing to reflect every now and again, especially on a topic so essentially human as sex. I agree whole-heartedly with the main argument: "Sex should be joy."
I'll come back for the videos later, but as far as being a bit down today; I understand completely why, but remember something always...something I wish I'd been told in my early teens instead of reading it in an autobiography in my early 40's!
A now forgotten, but beautiful actress was speaking of all the thousands she had spent in therapy during her time in Hollywood. She said she suddenly realized one day that it wasn't her; it was them! That despite the Madison Avenue fueled illusions that everyone else is always happy and that if you aren't, there is something wrong with you...you need to buy something, or take a pill, or take a drink...
She said she suddenly realized that life is like the pendulum on an old clock, swinging back and forth between happiness and sadness...between euphoria and depression. The pendulum is never going to swing further one way than the other, nor stay longer on one side than the other...it's not going to stop swinging until we do.
I realize there are exceptions to that; still, it's helped get me through a lot of things since I read her words of wisdom.
Her name, btw, was Hedy Lamarr.
I couldn't agree any more strongly to this entire post. My thinking mirrors yours very closely. If something isn't joyful, why would you choose to do it?
Not to put too fine a point on it, but it seems like ol' Hedy was telling us that everyone is bipolar. Yes, it's true that there is no such thing as total happiness. Nor do I believe that most people are terribly happy. And that's rather more depressing than comforting to me, frankly.
And thanks for the comments, everyone; I'm glad I've struck a good chord rather than just shooting off at the mouth. I wasn't looking to criticize anyone, just to suggest that maybe we all need to stop for a moment and think about joy.
God, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. Sex SHOULD be all of those things: silly and joyful and experimental and playful and fun and emotional and interesting and a way to grow closer and a way to emotionally connect. But it doesn't have to be any one of those things at any given time. Why do we always have to take it so damn seriously all the time? I mean, even the physiology of it makes it utterly ridiculous. How could a woman look at an erect cock without bursting into laughter? I honestly don't know how you all do it.
Sex should be fun, like you were saying. I wish more people would see it that way, instead of making it a deadly serious pursuit.
-- PB
Post a Comment