Thanks to Seph and others, I have a new TMI.
1. If you were Roman, what would your name be?
Probably the same as it is now. It's originally a Greek name, I know, but we actually get it via the Romans. Or perhaps Hornia Maxima. No, I'd be Tertia, because I'm the third child, and I'd be a Celtic slave, undoubtedly, since I'm about as Roman as Vercingetorix.
2. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Red. All the cool stuff is either done with red or black crayon. But I hate crayons. I like colored pencils. More control.
3. Your house is on fire and you can only take three things. What would they be?
If my house catches fire, I'm running back into the flames and expiring like the phoenix because there's no fucking way I'm dealing with my house burning down. It better not burn down, you hear me. I really can't pick three things. I have a lot of books and while I could live without any of them, picking three of them to save would be almost impossible. Plus my other stuff, which again, I could live without, but I can't prioritize. I'd probably have to save my computer, because it has stuff on it that I don't want to lose. Other than that, I don't know. I'll be burnt up anyway.
4. What was your scariest experience?
I got practically raped once. Not pleasant, but I don't know if it was my scariest experience because it wasn't rape exactly, nor was I terrified, just not happy with the situation. I don't get stage fright when I act, but I get horrible stage fright when I'm giving presentations to people. It's probably one of those. Or maybe auditions. I hate auditions; I can get naked in front of a crowd of thousands of strangers (and I bet someone just came) but I have the worst time doing a monologue in front of three people I know. But I don't know if those were scary in the way an ax-wielding maniac would be, for instance.
Oh, okay, I've got it. I once had to lie on a ledge which was just wide enough for my left shoulder and left ass cheek, holding on with one hand, while with the other I reached out for a bolt which was just out of my reach. Above stage. Which was 20 feet straight down, with nothing between me and it but air. And then I let go of my hand-hold and stretched and was able to loosen the bolt as I was essentially falling, then quickly shifted my weight back and grabbed the hand-hold again. I don't have a problem with heights most of the time, but that was terrifying. And talk about unsafe. I came down after that, stayed firmly on the ground for the remainder of the day, then went home and drank heavily. Really heavily. I still had vertigo for a few days after that. That was scary in a visceral, death-defying way. Maybe some of you are scratching your heads and wondering why the fuck I would do that. Maybe others are saying, "Yeah, that's not scary at all, do it all the time." I do things like that all the time too. It's part of my job. I think nothing of standing on the tops of ladders (although don't let OSHA find out). But that was scary to me.
5. Something you’re proud of doing?
Hey, what the hell, I'll say that I'm fairly proud of this blog. I'm proud of telling Sveta about my life. I'm proud of some of the work I do. I'm proud that I've never gotten an STD aside from a yeast infection which might have been the result of sex and not normal things. If you can hear a knocking noise, no one is trying to get in, it's just me knocking on wood so hard my fist is getting bruised.
And here we have the additions.
6. (impy) What’s the dumbest thing you have done lately?
Oh, having certain sexual encounters might qualify. But I do a lot of stupid things.
7. (nilla) Strangest food combination?
I like Montreal Steak seasoning (the spicy is better) on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Or just cracked pepper. Yes. Seriously.
8. (seph) If you could create a world in your own image…what would you call it?
Seph's answer was Pornia, and I can't top that for greatness, but I don't think it'd be fair or correct for me to simply call my world Pornia too. That's one of the advantages of the original TMI; no answers to have to compete with.
I'll say "The Love Planet, Baby." All of that. The "Baby" is important. Galactic voyagers of the future will say, "Hey, Zorg 3279, where are you headed for shore leave?"
"I'm beaming down to The Love Planet, Baby!"
"Don't catch space-syphilis."
"Naw, man, The Love Planet, Baby is entirely space-syphilis-free."
"Well damn, I'm heading down to The Love Planet, Baby too, then!"
Yeah, it'll be awesome.
9. (Lexi, that's me) If your life were a movie, who would direct it?
I know, I know. I could have made this easier. Also, I figure I'm going to get a lot of "some porn director" responses. But my life wouldn't be directed by a porn director. I want classy sex, not porn sex. God, I really could have made it easier. It's simple to come up with the question, but to answer it...
I think my life would probably be a collaboration between Barry Sonnenfeld and Francois Truffaut, equal parts comedy and sexy, classy as hell, one choice piece of film making (actually, I would love to see what would come out of a collaboration between those two, because it would be stranger than Montreal Steak seasoning on PB&J). Of course, that's only if I can't direct it myself. I want to be played by Famke Janssen, I think. No, I want to be an auteur and direct and star as myself. But with more explosions, wittier dialogue, and plenty of nudity.
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