A dried husk, a man no longer living, just alive. She went at him full tilt, screaming, trying to pry open his eyelids, beating at his chest, begging him to listen. Leathery silence scowled back at her. She dug her nails in, ripping at him, the fresh blood smelling of copper and hatred and death. She pierced to the core and found nothing but viscera and smoke. He wasn't there any longer. Only then did she weep.
This was not an easy one. I'm not into pain, nor am I into vampires, and the picture and the forced inclusion of "fresh blood smells like copper" were difficult to shake. So I cheated a little bit and changed the phrase. You can't spank me. You don't know where I am. Still, not a sexy story. I wish I could have come up with a sexy one, but I'll leave that to others who have more of a mind for this type of thing. They can't all be winners.
Fresh Flash Fiction Friday, I'm given to understand, smells of ozone and baked potatoes. Or maybe my potatoes have gone bad. Stop by and give a sniff and tell me what you think Flash Fiction Friday smells like. No, wait, I know. It smells like victory.
8 comments:
Even though you have changed it, it still works....even if you break the challenge a teensy weensy bit...
But I like how you have used the phrase, even if its not sexy...not always about sex...:)
great job! i could feel her despair at finding him the way he was. touching.
~cp
i liked it, they don't all have to be about sex, mine aren't. Sometimes the picture and phrase take us in a different direction.
"Only then did she weep." A perfect ending.
"...viscera and smoke..." Loved this phrasing; the dark imagery.
The Panserbjorne sees all, knows all. Your spanking will be arriving when you least expect it. :)
Seriously, the challenges are just for fun. If you're not enjoying one part or another, break the hell out of it and rework to your satisfaction. Have a good time, and all that.
Maybe it wasn't sexy to you, but you never know who's reading...anyhow, thanks for joining us this week!
-- PB
Aw, thanks PB, I wasn't grousing at you, I was just generally grousing at limitations in life. And to everyone else, thanks for the kind comments and I'm glad you all got something out of it.
Didn't think you were. You're not the sort to bitch and complain. Just providing my own reasoning. :)
-- PB
I love it when something has an effect on me and yours certainly did. Loss, everything melacholic and desperate. Pieces like this simply make my day for the sheer depth of feeling they convey... Bravo!
always,
Bilinda
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