Interview

She's here, so I'm going to take advantage of that fact.

Lexi: First off, thanks for sharing.

Sveta: [Giggles] Are you really going to act like this is an interview? 'Cause sitting here naked with you is kinda throwing off that vibe.

Lexi: I can put some clothes on if you want.

Sveta: No, no, don't do that.

Lexi: For the readers at home, Sveta's sucking my left nipple. Ooh, she's using her teeth. Bad girl. Okay, okay, stop, later, later... just a little to the left.

Sveta: People really want to hear me?

Lexi: I'm having fun, even if no one else cares. Truth time: what's your favorite color?

Sveta: Um... blue, I guess. I don't know. Do I have to answer silly questions?

Lexi: Yes, damnit! Only silly questions are worth answering.

Sveta: Do I get to ask any questions?

Lexi: No. Now be good or no more nookie for you.

Sveta: Liar.

Lexi: What do you like best about me? No, only kidding. What's your favorite sexual thing to do?

Sveta: You.

Lexi: Flattery will get you everywhere, minx.

Sveta: I like the thing you do with your fingers and thumb.

Lexi: With the thumb in the ass?

Sveta: Yeah. But I do like your dad too. And Mike. I like sex.

Lexi: Nothing wrong with that. Tell us about your first orgasm.

Sveta: Really? Okay, I was lying in bed, right, and thinking about boys, and I squeezed my legs together really tight and suddenly I wet the bed. [Blushes] I was really embarrassed. I thought I'd peed myself.

Lexi: Didn't it feel good at all?

Sveta: It did for a second I guess, but then I was panicking, and I didn't do that again.

Lexi: So after the first time, you never tried anything like that again until your first time?

Sveta: Don't they know all this stuff already?

Lexi: We've got short attention spans and we like to hear cute girls talk about cumming.

Sveta: [Giggles] I like to cum more than I like to talk about it.

Lexi: For all of us out there who don't cum as beautifully as you, tell us how it feels now that you're not scared of it.

Sveta: Great.

Lexi: That's it?

Sveta: Come on, I'm not writing an essay about it.

Lexi: Why not? Oh, careful now sports fans, I believe our interview has gone off the rails. Bad Sveta. Come back here and talk about it. Don't put your hand there; you don't know where that pussy has been. [Muffled] Stop kissing me. Okay, fuck it [throws microphone away with a loud thud]

[Interview terminated.]

We tried. But honestly, we were just doing this for a bit of fun. No, I'm not planning on sharing the audio. I only recorded it so I could type it up later. Just a lark, that's all. We weren't taking it terribly seriously, as you can probably tell from the transcript. The comedy team of Lexi and Sveta, coming soon to a burlesque house near you. We're working on our Yiddish accents, and maybe we'll do a few old Brooks/Reiner routines with a sexy edge to them.

No we won't. But maybe we'll try again and be a bit more informational. Or maybe not. It remains to be seen.