TMI Filler

This is an older TMI. Not in order, don't care.

1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]

Um... I don't know that I've ever been in a monogamous relationship by that definition. I've certainly never been monogamous. There have been a few people who've known about my family, but even then, I can't honestly say that I didn't have partners they didn't know about. Many of my relationships have been open, so it wasn't like I was cheating, but I also wasn't necessarily keeping my partner up to speed on my other conquests.

This makes me seem like a slut and a terrible person. I've had serious relationships during which I didn't cheat, but I still viewed my family as important, and my partner didn't necessarily know about all of that. Hell, I was engaged once, and that didn't end because of infidelity. I can be faithful. It's just hard for me to be totally open about everything.

2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?

I don't have a "back-up," someone waiting in the wings to take the place of my current relationship. I have other options, sure, and of course I have ongoing relationships which will be there to comfort me, but I'm not likely to rebound into someone else's arms or anything like that.

3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?

It's tough. I've done it, but it usually requires that there be absolutely no chance of sex. If there's even a remote chance, like someone might change their minds, then it's harder. I've also been friends with people who were in love (or at least heavily in lust) with me without reciprocation. I know, it seems like I might just fuck them anyway, but I don't do that. I once worked with a bull-dyke lesbian, great gal, but I was completely not attracted to her and just was never going to be, and she was hot for me in the worst way. Nothing ever came of it, but it made our working relationship awkward, and I don't think we were as good friends as we might have been.

4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]

Again, this definition of monogamous isn't really right (monogamous has "mono" in the name, so it really means "one partner," despite the fact that I don't think that non-monogamy is an evil) and I can't even slip in under that lowered standard. But I've cheated. I'm not proud of it. I've also been cheated on, which has more or less effect on me depending on how serious I am about the relationship. And I've definitely been a knowing third party. If it's part of the relationship, I'm not really bothered by it at all.

5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?

Well, I start arguments by accident with people who don't understand how I am. I've had to work on that. And I've also inspired some arguments about emotional distance because, as I've said, I have some problems with long-term relationships because of past issues. In a relationship which isn't total bullshit, where an argument won't cause things to fail, we tend to argue about the fact that I have certain things I like done in a certain way and other people don't do them that way. Really, I'm still concerned about my relationship with Sveta because we don't really argue. It's not in that stage yet. I don't know if we'd survive an argument. It's love, but it's still kind of fragile (well, it's become significantly less fragile in a certain way since I told her about my family and she joined up, but it's still fragile in other ways).

Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?

Intellect and love. In the short term, I'm all about sex, but I can't be in a relationship when I can't talk to my partner about things other than the weather, or where my partner isn't willing to put up with me, or I can't put up with him or her. And, of course, there are certain things like openness which are sort of required to be in a long-term relationship with me, because I am not and will probably never be monogamous, but I can be faithful, and also there's the various aspects of my life which most people, short-term partners included, don't learn.

Yeah, so I'm writing this way earlier than it will be posted, and hopefully the answers will be the same by the time it is.