TMI Filler

I'm scheduling these way ahead of time because I might not have the time, so they'll tide everyone over until I do have the time. Or maybe nothing exciting will happen between now and then. Anyway, from TMI. Suggestions/questions/quizzes always welcome.

1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Too hard. There are a lot of musical acts I could do without. I mean, I didn't hate Michael Jackson, but I kind of wish he'd never existed so I wouldn't have to hear about his death any more. I sort of feel the same way about Elvis. I don't have any particular animousity there, though, just a desire to shut the tabloids up.

I'm not particularly fond of a lot of pop music. I was always an alternative grrl. Not that I was a grrl by any means, but I liked some of the music. Okay, I've got a safe one: Creed. Go away Creed. Nobody likes you. Too safe. But anything else I say will cause flamewars. Maybe my previous paragraph will cause flamewars. Yes, I did say that I wish Michael Jackson had never existed. Have at me.

2. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Gas or groceries. $100 is a drop in the well of my lack of money. Sorry, this is a boring answer, but I was always taught frugality. It's going into my bank account. Well, that is, if I don't find the owner of said hundski, in which case it's going back to them. I might go to the police about it. Maybe not. How are you going to identify a hundred dollar bill?

3. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Again, too hard, because there are all sorts of places I'd like to visit and reasons for visiting them. I'd like to take a camera and document the building of the Great Pyramid, to settle the debate once and for all (plus, I'd become the greatest Egyptologist ever, which would rock). Or how about resolving the Shakespeare issue? Jesus? Atlantis? Oh, the historical debates to settle would be so tempting.

Of course, if it was a naughty time machine and you're asking whom I'd go back in time to fuck... again, tough question. If Cleopatra was as attractive as some people say she was (as opposed to ugly, as others say she was) I'd probably be interested in trying her out. I've mentioned Chiang Kai Shek. There are others. Going back to the heady days of Roman debauchery has its appeal at times. Or going back to Egypt where incest was perfectly acceptable. There are lots of naughty things to do in the past.

I think I might like to go back in time to the 1940s, because there were a lot of very gorgeous women back then, plus the styles are appealing, plus all that soldier-boy beefcake just waiting for a good welcome-back fuck. Seriously, the pin-up girls from the '40s are incredibly glamorous and didn't have to be anorexically thin to be sexy. Not that I'm not attracted to thin girls too, but '40s women knew how to sell zaftig. They weren't fat, just rounder. Still very slim. I could fit right in, plus the post-war economic boom is sounding pretty nice about now.

This is all assuming that one can't alter the past, since Rufus' time machine (from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, in case you don't know) doesn't appear to affect the past. But if you could affect the past, I'd stay the Hell out of it, I think, because it's too easy to fuck that kind of thing up. Have I given this question too much thought? Maybe just a little.

4. What is your favorite curse word?

I curse more than I should, not because it's bad, but because it's lazy. Back when "fuck" wasn't every third word spoken in the English language, people had to be more creative. That being said, if we're measuring number of uses, the "fuck" family wins in my speech. I mean, yes, there's the obvious reasons, but also because it's an incredibly utilitarian word.

I think "cunt" should be used more, but not really as a curse word, necessarily. I also think that "bitch" should be used more to describe unisex things, rather than being an epithet which tars only women who are bitchy or men who are feminine. "Stupid bitch" is a terrific turn of phrase, not meaning anything more than "dumb shit" (which I also like).

I like "asshat," but it's lacks utility. I like "cuntsock" but again, utility. I like to measure things in "metric fucktons." I enjoy talking about "not giving a flat, rate-adjusted fuck" about things. Basically, if I'm going to curse, I try to be slightly more inventive. I usually fail because I am lazy, but I try.

5. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Come on, at least give me one guy, one gal. If it were a guy, Karl Urban. Off the cuff. No idea why, other than that I can't think of anything compelling.

If it were a gal, Emily Browning. She's cute, and this is no-strings-attached. Otherwise, she's too young for me (she says, knowing full well the Emily Browning is actually older than Sveta, the woman of her dreams).

Those are both completely off the cuff. I could spend hours fantasizing about different actors/actresses. Picking just one would be impossible unless I just gave a pat answer.

Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

I think I may have discussed my plans for mutant powers previously, but I'm going to restate that either I'd go for flight (because in my flying dreams, I always enjoy myself, although I don't go very high, scared of heights, so maybe "levitation" is more appropriate), gills (I like to swim and being underwater is a lot like flight, although again, I'd have to have eyes that could see in dark water, and being in water so deep I can't see the bottom also scares me), or my personal favorite (but not a common power), the ability to split into copies, so I could have multiples of myself. Man would that come in handy. Plus, I could fuck myself. But mostly because I could be a one-woman crew. Although having an orgy where I was the only woman there has its appeal too.